Morning Lord. Morning two of having the house to myself! I almost feel guilty about finding enjoyment in such a small pleasure…almost, but not quite. Of course I should be doing something super constructive like helping Caroline, or getting stuck in to some spring cleaning (six months late), or feeding the five thousand, but somehow I feel a bit too drained for any of those things. Instead I’ll start with you and see where we go from there.
Things seemed a bit chaotic this morning in this house for some reason. Andrew had to go early so was no help at all, while the three children seemed lethargic and hard to get motivated. Not sure why. The only person who was even remotely cheery was Jess. She came home yesterday just buzzing about her new job, full of stories about the people she’s working with, and with the thrill of being there on opening day. She says (perhaps a tad prematurely in my opinion) that it’s the best job she’s ever had. Long may it last, I say.
This new good humour is in stark contrast to the last few weeks of depression she’s suffered and while it made for a nice change it did not make Jess any less oblivious to the tension in our house between Emily and Madison. In a way this is my fault since I made the choice to not burden Jess further by constantly bringing up stories about the way the two girls are not getting on. I also realised that the difficult thing about the whole situation is the fact that it is always Madison who comes out of these contretemps smelling like roses, while Emily is always the one at fault. Because of this bringing things to Jess’s attention hardly seemed necessary since Madison wasn’t to blame.
But maybe things aren’t like they seem. I don’t know if I’m right about this, but maybe Madison isn’t as sweet and innocent as I first thought. Instead, I’m wondering if she is quite expert at manipulating a situation to get her own way. Seven does seem a bit young to be so clever (if clever is the right word) but when Madison isn’t around, when Emily is with us or with other girls, Emily is a totally different child. I just find myself suddenly not being as sympathetic towards Madison as I once was, something I don’t entirely understand.
The crux of it is that I feel I really need your help and discernment in this area. Who knows how many more weeks Jess may need to be here before she properly finds her feet? But for all concerned, Lord, I pray you would have your hand on this situation, and that you would especially look out for Emily at school. This does remind me (cringe!) that I have been neglectful in praying for the salvation of my children so I lift both before you and pray you would bring them into a right relationship with you through your saving grace. I also pray for both Jess and Madison – that you would work in both their lives to lead them into a place of light.
I’m not sure this makes much sense, Lord. It’s all just a funny feeling. All I can do is entrust it to you…in your name…Amen