Morning Lord. No exclamation mark today I’m afraid because, to be honest, I’m feeling quite peeved right now. I was really hoping that you would pull one out of the bag for Caroline and save her house. Instead there were just two buyers, one more interested than the other, bidding was lacklustre, and the house sold for a ridiculously low price. This of course means that Caroline must move out (and in only two week’s time) and that the amount bid for the house is so low that it only just covers the outstanding debt. Top this off with the fact that she has nowhere to go, no money to go with, three high maintenance children and a broken heart, and that is one very ugly picture.
I suppose what I can’t understand is why you would not intervene? You don’t surely want Caroline’s life to be in ruins do you? I’m not sure why you would ask so much of Caroline. I’m not sure why my prayers would go unheeded. Where is the way of escape? Sometimes, Lord, I just don’t understand you at all.
Andrew says I should not get so worked up since he believes you do know what you are doing – and so should I. He also said that if Caroline’s life was built on a lie it is surely better for that to be rectified than for the lie to continue being perpetrated. On the other hand, to me it all feels unjust…unfair. In short I’m feeling pouty today, a feeling I simply don’t know what to do with.
Andrew (the big know-all) says that I should keep praying and entrust everything to you, that in spite of my current viewpoint you do know what you’re doing. He says (mutter mutter) that life is all about choices – that I can either choose to trust you or choose to turn my back on you. He says I should stop praying for what I think is best and pray for what you know is best. Only trouble is, I feel so mad/confused/slightly disillusioned that I’m not sure I’m capable of making any choices, let alone good choices.
Trouble is, not trusting you doesn’t seem like a choice at all. This would be to turn my back on my very salvation and on our relationship. I might be mad but I’m not prepared to throw it all away just like that. So, Lord, I will make a choice – I will trust in you. I will pray for you to sort things out for Caroline. I will pray for you to remove this feeling inside me. I will pray for your grace to understand all that you are doing. I will pray in your name. I will say Amen.