Afternoon Lord.  Well, today certainly hasn’t gone the way I pictured at all on account of the fact that Emily is home sick with a cold, and I decided to keep Nathan home from kindy since it is very cold today and I really didn’t want to have to take Emily out at all.  I suppose I could have called my mother to see if she could sit with Emily but then she’d only have to hang around for ages until pick up time came around, so there didn’t seem much point in that.  I pray you would help Emily’s cold heal fast, Lord.

Caroline called.  Of course her children are healthy as horses (very elegant horses) and there’s nothing wrong with any of the Wests.  She’s invited us to come to lunch on Sunday after church.  I know that, strictly speaking, it is my turn to have them around here, but since it’s been like Piccadily Circus here lately I must say I accepted the invitation without too much of a guilty conscience.  Besides, she’s so much better at all that entertaining stuff than I am.  I mentioned having put my foot in it regarding Diana’s birthday and of course, Caroline had remembered and had made her children make their own homemade cards on Saturday that they had taken to give her on Sunday.  I wish she’d clue me in to those sorts of things rather than just leaving me to squirm.  What sort of a best friend is she?

I’ve made a decision today, Lord.  I’ve decided I am going to give Libby’s Bible Study group a try.  Of course it will probably turn out to be a disaster, but maybe, just maybe, it will help me feel a bit more centred and spiritual instead of feeling like I’m flotsam and jetsam bobbing about in a really big ocean.

Better go and smooth Emily’s fevered brow…or at least check to see if she’s still asleep and that Nathan isn’t in there trying to pour medicine helpfully into her sleep-opened mouth.

Amen, Lord, Amen.

Afternoon Lord.  Here I am again, Monday afternoon with everyone where they should be.  It’s cold today, a bit of a sting in winter’s tail, so to speak, so I’ve got the fire on already and it’s really rather cozy.  I’m beginning to think that there’s something exceptionally wrong with me, Lord, because unlike 99% of the world’s population, I find myself quite liking Mondays.  I like having the house to myself for a bit, and having everything stay just where it’s supposed to be while there’s no one around to mess things up.  I like the opportunity it gives for me to catch up with you.

The service yesterday was quite nice, Lord.  I enjoyed Daniel’s sermon on Martha.  Now there’s a woman most mothers feel a good deal of sympathy for since her experience of getting annoyed at Mary for not helping her out in the kitchen is what most women get to experience on a daily basis – slogging it out preparing meals, doing the washing and cleaning while everyone else sits around until they’re waited on hand and foot.

Daniel pointed out, though, that Jesus’ visit to their home was supposed to be just a brief one.  Just popping in, so to speak, not there to enjoy a three-course meal or anything.  Martha’s choice to focus on unnecessary kitchen endeavours really meant that she was putting tasks before relationships – that she had her priorities wrong.  Daniel pointed out that there are plenty of times in all our lives when activity can overshadow relationship – especially where you are concerned.  He said that Martha’s choices might have been designed to please Jesus but what she failed to realise was that what he really wanted was her fellowship rather than her food.

That’s an easy trap for us as mothers to fall into, Lord – to become more focused on the tasks at hand than the relationships behind those tasks.  Of course someone has to do all those things, the washing, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and that someone is usually the mother, but when those things become the sole focus and people start getting in the way of completing those tasks, well, I guess you could say you’ve got a problem.

Sarah approached me at church yesterday (as you know) to ask me once again about the Missions team.  I told her no, then waited for lightning to strike, but since none came I guess you’re all right with that decision.  I don’t think Sarah was particularly surprised really, in the end.  So, emboldened by this, I called Diana this morning (as you know again) and told her I felt that now was not the right time for me to get involved with Sunday School.  I think I put my foot in it a bit there, Lord, as she thought I was one of her children calling her to wish her a happy birthday.  Oops.

Better go now.  Thank you for your love and understanding.

In the name of Jesus…Amen

I’ve woken up early, Lord, so I’m curled up on the couch with a cup of tea, the cat and my prayer journal, hoping not to find all three accidentally merging into one, and hoping not to wake the rest of the family who are still peacefully asleep.

I can happily wander around in my pj’s now that Cameron has gone, and sit anywhere in the house I want without wondering whether my privacy will be invaded, which is just lovely.  His moving on is a relief even if I did feel just a little bit sad to see him go, though, Lord.

Hopefully the new job and lovely new apartment he’s found will all be positive moves forward for him.  Onwards and upwards.  I hope he does keep in touch from time to time, let us know how he’s doing, and above all I do pray he finds some room in his new life for you, Lord.

Speaking of onwards and upwards, Linley called to say how well things are going at work with her new promotion.  Not only that, she’s found herself a new man!  With all the other comings and goings I really didn’t realise it had been a while since I heard from her – but that’s the reason why.

Apparently he’s called Mark and is the firm’s new accountant.  According to Linley he’s amazing – gorgeous, well off, stable, single, witty and wonderful – and seems to have a happy absence of baggage – something I find hard to believe for a man of thirty-five.  This was not something I mentioned to Linley though, since she’s clearly infected with New Dating Euphoria and would only misinterpret such comments as party-pooperism or worse, jealousy.

Off to church this morning, Lord.  I still have traces of that lost feeling swirling around in me so I pray the time with you might help me to shrug that off.  I pray you would help me see you more clearly, Lord, and help me to understand just what it is I’m supposed to be doing.

I pray in the name of Jesus…Amen

Morning Lord.  No prayer for the last two days – and no legitimate excuse either sorry.  I just felt a bit strange (or, perhaps that should be stranger) than usual, a bit lost and all at sea, as though I couldn’t get my bearings properly, as though I didn’t really even know what to pray.

I’m not sure what brought that on, and to be honest I don’t feel a whole lot better today, but I am here Lord.  If anyone can help me make sense of my feelings, it’s you.

Maybe I just feel a bit lost after Ashley moved out yesterday.  Like the house had suddenly become too quiet – ridiculous since she was here for less than a week and the children are still here making as much racket as usual – but there just seemed to be more laughter while she was around.  It’s made me wonder whether I’ll be quite as pleased as I expect to be when Cameron goes tomorrow.  Having someone else around has its compensations at times.  His visit has been good in a way.

Maybe the lost feeling comes because everyone else seems to have more purpose to their lives than I do.  Everyone has an agenda and is getting on with things.  They know where their sun is and they happily orbit around it.  I feel more like a satellite orbiting around a planet – something small and inconsequential that doesn’t actually do anything.  A lumpy moon that holds no life, perhaps.

Maybe that feeling is common to a lot of mothers, I really don’t know.  But, when I think about it, I guess you should be the sun for me, not Andrew or even the children.

Let your sun shine on me today, Lord.

I pray in Jesus’ name…Amen

Evening, Lord…

I’ve left Andrew to put the children to bed, and Ashley and Cameron doing the dishes and having what looked suspiciously like a soap fight, and so I’m back in prayer central – in the bathroom with the door locked!

It’s been another funny day (probably of my own making on account of not praying earlier) and I suddenly thought to myself that I would come and unload on you a bit.

The morning was busy with errands to run, and once again the phone seemed to ring off the hook this afternoon – some good calls, some not so good.

The good news is that Cameron has not only found somewhere to live, he’s also been successful in getting that job he wanted!  Oh, thank you Lord!  He says (miracle) that he’s moving out over the weekend, and with Ashley going on Thursday that will mean we’ll have the house back to ourselves.

Having Ashley here has been more fun than I imagined and it has given us a chance to clear the air a bit, which is good.  At least I know now that her aloofness wasn’t to do with anything I had done.  However, while we have been happy enough to have her for the few days, William and Claire are less than impressed.  Claire called today, having somehow got wind of the fact that Ashley is staying here, to express her horror at the idea of Ashley and Cameron living together under the same roof.  Grossly inappropriate, she called it, as though I’d invited Ashley to spend the weekend with Hitler.  I don’t know what she’s worried about – those two are just like brother and sister.

More complains about Nathan at kindy today – some story about play dough – and to top it all off we’ve been handed out raffle tickets to sell to help fundraise.  Of course selling these in church will be a nightmare since so many people are anti raffles so I’m sure I’ll either end up returning them or buying them myself out of guilt.  I wish people would realise it’s supposed to be about helping the community not sparing their souls from corruption.  It’s at times like this that I wish I was much wiser than I am.

Better go kiss the children goodnight…

Amen

Peace and quiet, Lord!  I find myself the only one in the house after a chaotic weekend.  Everyone is either at work or school, or in Cameron’s case, at his second interview.  Sounds like it’s a position he would really enjoy, so I pray you would be extra specially with him, Lord, and work your influence in his favour.

Strangely, yesterday was a good day.  Somehow, after church, it was like everyone relaxed and were able to put away the cares of our lives.  Lunch was simple but nice, there was plenty of banter and reminiscences about the old days when Andrew, Ashley and Cameron were growing up, lots of stories of getting up to mischief, with Cameron teasing Ashley about things she’s done that he still finds funny all these years later.  Emily and Nathan hung around the table to listen to the stories.  I could see Emily’s face all scrunched up as she tried to imagine her father and aunt young.  You could tell it just didn’t compute for her at all.

I wonder what Cameron made of church, Lord.  I suspect it was his first time back for years.  Daniel’s sermon was rather timely, I thought.  He talked about Paul, and how Paul was obviously very attuned to his own conscience.  Apparently he mentions the word conscience thirty times throughout the New Testament.  Who knew?  Who works these things out I wonder?

Anyway, Daniel made some very interesting points about the conscience – about how the more corrupt a person is the less their conscience troubles them, about how people will go as far as developing their own faith systems to fit in with their own sense of right and wrong, about how you can get to the point where you do what you know to be wrong in order to avoid making a stand and doing what is right.  The verse that stood out to me the most was Acts 24:16 where Paul says,  “So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man”.

I realised from what Daniel said how we’re so exposed to things that corrupt the conscience – things we see in the media and on television that desensitise us, dumb things down and promote things that are wrong.  Then there’s money that salves the conscience, that makes people regard themselves as powerful and self sufficient, maybe even infallible.  I found it all convicting enough myself – I can only wonder how it spoke to Cameron, whose conscience has probably become practically anaesthetised.

All food for thought Lord.  All I know is just when I think I am getting a handle on things I realise I’m not.

Be with me Lord, I pray…Amen

Morning Lord…another quick and furtive prayer time before church this morning.  I don’t want to be neglectful and forget you in the middle of everything, especially on a Sunday.  It looks like we are all going this morning, Cameron and Ashley included.  Apparently Ashley invited Cameron.  I’d forgotten about the fact that they know each other pretty well.  After all, Cameron has been friends with Andrew forever.

Be with me today, Lord.  Forgive me my sin.  Help me to try and concentrate on you.

In Jesus’ name I pray….Amen