Afternoon Lord.  Well, here I am, a bit sheepish to be honest, on account of the fact that not two days ago I promised not to be neglectful in praying if you let me sleep in.  So what is the first thing I do the very next day?  I sleep in and end up rushing so much to be at church on time that I bypass spending any time with you whatsoever.  It’s the first time in a long time that I have been to church without writing in my prayer journal first, and I have to say that I spent the whole time feeling guilty and out of step with you.  Sometimes I wish that we as a people weren’t so afraid of silence, Lord.  It would be good sometimes to have some unfilled silences at church so we could actually talk to you without someone else’s thoughts and agenda interrupting.

Daniel was good again.  This time he spoke about Samson – a guy of such impulsiveness, of such passion, who acted without a second thought that it was a wonder he was any use at all.  But isn’t that a good lesson to learn?  The Bible is full of stories of the least likely people who have played pivotal parts in your most unexpected plan.  Perhaps there’s hope for me yet!

I remember someone once saying that the people she felt sorriest for were Samson’s parents.  They’d thought childbearing was beyond them and were so excited to find that they were expecting a precious baby.  They were faithful in raising him as a Nazirite as they were instructed and probably had such high hopes for him, only for Samson to go on to make some pretty dubious choices.  It does challenge me to be equally faithful in raising my children (especially Nathan!) and they’ve only just started down the track of making their own choices.

I would like to thank you for Daniel, Lord.  Thank you for what he brings to our congregation.  I fear what he gets in return is a lot of complaining, minimal substance, with a good dose of judgementalism thrown in for good measure (with emphasis on the mental).  Andrew was talking to him after church yesterday and told me that Daniel had implied he felt a bit discouraged at the moment – both with church and with his family – so I pray you would lift him up, Lord, and help him to keep going.  I know I wouldn’t want to live with Abigail so maybe some extra patience would be good for him too.

Another month of my prayer journal comes to an end, Lord.  That’s three months in a row now.  I’d be tempted to feel a bit proud about that if it wasn’t counter to what I’m trying to achieve as a Christian.  Another of life’s little ironies, I guess.

Thank you for your faithfulness.  I pray in the name of Jesus…Amen

Ugh!  Another early start when, by rights, I should be still snoring away in my bed.  You aren’t waking me up early, Lord, are you, so I don’t skip spending time with you?  If I promise not to be neglectful can I go back to having sleep-ins?

Anyway, I guess it will do me no harm to spend some time with you now and to rejoice that yesterday is over.  What chaos!  Thank you that I survived the party and I would say thank you for the fact that, for the first time ever, Emily made it through her own party without bursting into floods of tears, but it didn’t end up a completely tear-free zone.  Madison ended up in tears instead since one of the other little monsters teased her about how old fashioned her party dress was which nearly broke my heart.  Poor Jess probably had to spend money she didn’t have to buy that dress!  I could see that Emily was a bit conflicted as to what to do.  It seems apparent that Madison is no longer deemed to be a ‘cool’ person to be friends with and I could see Emily torn between wanting to be loyal to Madison and wanting to fit in with everyone else.  But that was nothing compared to how hurt Madison looked.  Talk about adding insult to injury.

Anyway, the mean girl in question got her come-uppance and herself ended up in tears as Nathan sneakily tied the ribbons on the back of her dress to her shoes while the kids were playing pass-the-parcel (where does he get these ideas, Lord?) so that when the game was over, and she tried to stand up, she fell right back down again.  Just as well her dress was sturdy otherwise she may have been disrobed!  I did feel a bit sorry for the girl but not so much that I firmly disciplined Nathan.  Perhaps that wasn’t quite the wisest thing to have done, but really.

Then there was dinner in the evening.  Clearly my father decided that, on account of it being his birthday, he was entitled to say whatever he wanted.  So he decided to have a subversive go at William by suggesting to him that religion was no longer the opiate of the masses (in itself an insult) but that religion has been outmoded by technology.  According to my father technology is busy enslaving millions and not only that, is milking the masses of vast amounts of money in the process – just like organised religion has done for years.  I thought William was going to have a heart attack!  It seemed clear he didn’t quite know what to refute first.

Of course James joined in with much gusto, and even my mother seemed in the mood to add in a jibe or two (clearly still annoyed at having been left out of the last birthday celebrations) to the point where I was about to send both sets of parents to their rooms – or the parent equivalent.  I wish the Copelands could see that it’s just one of those stupid debates designed to go absolutely nowhere and do more harm than good.  Religion is one of my least favourite words anyway – mentioned only five times in my Bible and really only in a questioning way.  Out of the sixty-six books surely that must tell people something.

Anyway, I pray that today might be a chance to regroup and to have gained back some semblance of order before Cameron comes tonight.  Thank you for your love again…Amen.

Well, Lord, I didn’t actually picture myself finding time to pray today but I’ve woken up really early and figure that rather than rushing to get the bazillion things I’ve got to do done, I’d stop and check in with you first.  Could it be that I am actually learning something?

First of all I want to spend some time on my new resolve – being more thankful.  Thank you for the blessing of Emily, especially today on her birthday.  I pray you would give her a lovely day and that all would go well for her with her party.  Thank you for some of the wonderful attributes you’ve given her – for her kind heartedness and her loving nature.  I pray that as she grows she would be able to retain her gentle spirit.  I know she sometimes finds life a bit bewildering (who doesn’t!).  Help her to make sense of the world without feeling the need for her to change to match that world – something a lot of us find ourselves doing, Lord.

Thank you for my father, too, even though he and Mum drive me a little insane at times.  I pray you would also bless his day – even if that means Mum having unexpected laryngitis or some strange sleeping sickness that sees her remaining unconscious for the larger part of the day.

Thank you for another nice time at Libby’s yesterday which was just more chatting and getting to know some of the other mothers a little better.  I found myself looking more closely at Caroline and thought she looked a little weary in spite of her nanny and her BMW.  Once all of this birthday circus is over I really must try and make some time to have a proper catch up with her.

Thank you too for Nathan and Andrew.  Of course Nathan is enough to try the patience of a saint (yet another conversation with the kindy teacher yesterday – this time about how he decided the dolls’ house could do with an indoor Jacuzzi!) so I pray you would help him help me today rather than being a hindrance.  And although I was tempted to never speak to Andrew again when he revealed that he had not only invited Cameron for dinner tomorrow night, he had also invited his parents to come tonight, I know he does mean well.  Certainly, if blowing up multiple bags of balloons and racing to the mall just before they closed for more party bag fillers is any indication of his desire to make it up to me then I suppose it worked – sort of.  At least he won’t be able to argue when I point him in the direction of the kitchen tonight to do the dishes.  Maybe then we’ll be even.

Lastly, I pray you would be with me and help me to somehow get through this afternoon’s party, Madison staying the night, and dinner with Mum and Dad, Ma and Pa Copeland and with James and Jasmine and the Wests if they all actually show up.  If at all possible, it would be great if both sets of parents could manage to tolerate each other and not argue about any of their favourite topics – money, religion, politics and the need (or not) to save the planet – but focus on the reason for being together.

Thank you for your love, Lord… Amen

Morning Lord!  I’m sneaking a bit of time to spend with you while Nathan re-enacts the game he played with Jacob yesterday.  I’m off to Bible Study this afternoon and I find myself having feelings similar to those I usually experience on a Sunday morning – of wanting to be close to you and know that all is well between us in case I expose myself as being the pathetic Christian that I am to the outside world.

Still, no one is perfect!  Just look at yesterday, Lord.  There’s Andrew, home on time – for which I was very grateful – until he ended up spending an hour of the evening on the phone talking to Cameron.  Not only that, he’s invited Cameron to come and have dinner with us on Saturday night, without asking me first, which means that I have a birthday party to run tomorrow afternoon, a dinner to organise for Dad and Emily for tomorrow evening and now dinner the next night as well!  What is it with men and making invitations without checking?

I also saw Abigail yesterday outside those shops right across from school, positively shouting at their eldest son Joshua.  Not so much of the model pastor’s wife was showing there, I will say.  Quite what he had done I couldn’t work out, especially since he always seems a very nice kid to me, and at his age (maybe sixteen?) a bit too old to be yelled at like a two year old I would have thought.  Anyway, whatever he’d done, she was livid.  Of course when she saw me and realised I was watching her face returned to its usual semi-lacquered stiffness and she gave me a friendly wave, but it did serve to remind me of two things.  Firstly, no one is perfect, even if they are desperate for you to think that, and secondly, you really do have no idea whatsoever what goes on in other people’s lives when you aren’t watching.

Sometimes I feel pretty lost about my life, Lord.  It’s like what Paul said in Romans:  “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”

If someone like Paul can feel this way, maybe there’s hope for me yet, Lord.  Be patient with me as I figure this out, Lord!  If he had any great secrets, I would love to know them.

And I pray you would be with me over these next couple of days with the party, the dinner and the dinner all on the horizon.  I shouldn’t really be going to Bible Study this afternoon, but working on party preparation so I pray you would help me get ready anyway, and honour my choice to put you first.

I pray all in the name of Jesus…Amen

Afternoon, Lord.  I know it’s a bit late in the day to think about praying but these last two days have been pretty hectic.  Yesterday morning was full of getting Emily to school, getting washing done, trying to get Nathan involved in a game of  “Let’s see who can tidy your bedroom the fastest” then early lunch and off to kindy for him.  Then I had to go and do an emergency food shop since the pantry was looking decidedly bare, and by the time I got home and threw the said shopping things into the pantry, it was time to go and get the kids, at which point all peace was shattered.

Today I decided to try for Round Two of the same game with Nathan on the basis that if he didn’t make some effort to help me tidy his room he would not be allowed to have his new friend Jacob come to play this afternoon.  Well, when I say new friend what I mean is that he is the new friend of the moment since Nathan employs a reasonably fast revolving door of best friends – perhaps due in large measure to his talent for getting into trouble and the potential best friends being warned off by their mothers.

Anyway, they seem to be having a great time and are playing some sort of Ben 10 game, which is interesting, because only months ago it was all Wiggles this, and Wiggles that.  Now they’re talking about something that sounds like Omnitrix, and about taking over the world.  How fast they grow up – and how fast boys start thinking about world domination.

I suppose I sort of thought Nathan would spend more of his pre-school free time with Christian, the way Emily spent quite a bit of those years with Faith and Trinity, but that just hasn’t worked out.  The boys just don’t seem to have anything in common.  I had an interesting, and very short conversation with Libby at church on Sunday and she suggested to me, in a very tactful and roundabout way, that maybe there is something wrong with Christian, that he is not entirely normal.  I said no, I thought surely not, because if that was the case I’m sure Caroline would have said something to me.  But then, I realise it is a while since she and I have had a really meaningful conversation, if I’m honest.  I haven’t heard much from Linley either since she took up with this new man.  I must make a better effort to keep up with my two best friends, Lord, and I do ask that you would be with them both and provide for whatever needs they have.  And the very fact that I can’t be more specific rather speaks volumes, doesn’t it?

I also pray you would send Andrew home on time tonight as he has worked late the last two nights in a row which hasn’t made me best pleased, even though I know it is not really his fault.  I must remind myself to be thankful, Lord.  At least Andrew has a job!

Bless our family Lord…Amen

Monday afternoon, Lord.  The weekend done and dusted, and the family all restored to their semi-natural habitats.  Another week begins without any idea of where it might end.  Well, okay, it will end on Friday, by which time I will most likely be inordinately glad it’s the weekend again – it’s just that so much could happen in the meantime.   I suppose what I am really saying is that I pray you would watch over our family during the week and keep us all safe.

Thank you for yesterday and for the blessings it brought our way.  Church was good, Andrew’s parents were absent, and Daniel seems to be on a bit of a roll at the moment in terms of saying some thought provoking things – which should probably be standard for the Sunday morning message, but mostly isn’t.  I found his thoughts on Eve quite interesting.  In fact, I suppose I was a bit surprised he picked her as a character to look at in the first place.  Not sure why, though.

I guess the main thing Daniel said that stood out to me was how a lack of thankfulness and a feeling as though you deserve more was at the heart of Eve’s thinking and decision making.  I was, of course, only saying yesterday that we aren’t grateful enough.  This in itself seems bad enough just in the context of us taking too much for granted when compared with all that you have done for us.  Daniel pointed out that ingratitude can in fact result in self reliance, self importance and maybe even a lack of contentment.

This last thing made me squirm a bit if I am being honest, because I’m not really that content, Lord.  I mean, I love you, I love my family, we are comfortable and more fortunate than billions of others on the planet, and yet you only have to read back through this prayer journal to see countless examples of my lack of contentment with my circumstances and with the things that come my way.

I think I not only need to be more thankful, I also need to be more honest with myself.  I did come across that Great Expectations quote again just this week that sums this up, and I’m going to copy it below as a reminder to myself to get real with myself now and then.  It says:

“All other swindlers upon earth are nothing to the self-swindlers, and with such pretences did I cheat myself.  Surely a curious thing.”

We are curious things, Lord, and it is just as well you love us so entirely.  Thank you for that love.

Amen.

Morning Lord!  Here it is, another Sunday morning when I’ve woken up before everyone else.  I’m beginning to see a pattern emerging that I’m not sure I like.  Older people always tell you stories of how they don’t sleep as much, how they never sleep in, and I’m starting to wonder – with a certain amount of fear and trepidation – whether in fact I am seeing the first signs of old age, or at the very least, middle age.

Anyway, I suppose it does give me a chance to spend some quiet time with you and not be frantically rushing to get out of the door for church.  As usual I would ask that you would forgive me my sin and cleanse me from unrighteousness so that I can come to church knowing you and I are fine.  Sorry I’m not a better Christian.  If I wasn’t so sin-riddled you might not have to work so hard to fix up all my transgressions.

Sorry for not praying yesterday.  As it is, it turned out to be the most unexpected day.  Who could have known that Ashley would call to invite us around to her newly decorated flat so we could admire the improvements and so she could make us a ‘thanks for having me’ lunch?  It was nice of her to invite Cameron as well.  It does sound as though he is getting on well in his new job and he looks reasonably relaxed.  I gather he is yet to make any contact with his brother, and I know he’ll never get in touch with his father after what happened with their mother.

Anyway, it was a great couple of hours together until Nathan decided to do some serious exploring in Ashley’s bathroom, found her make up, and got foundation compact powder all over the place.  It looked like a sand storm!  Thank goodness Ashley found it funny – and thank goodness the unpleasable Gretchen was away for the weekend.

Thank you for all the blessings you do send us.  I know we are not nearly grateful enough.  Thank you for sending Jesus to die for me.  I’m more thankful for this than I can say.

In Jesus’ name I pray…Amen