Morning Lord!  Well, by what feels like a complete miracle I am actually at home by myself!!  So, before I get stuck into catching up with a few things (while revelling in the beautiful sound of silence) I want to spend a bit of time with you.  As you know I am on my own because Caroline has taken Christian off to see the doctor Marianne recommended for an initial consultation to see if this biomedical approach might be of some benefit to him.  No doubt it will be a chaotic appointment but apparently the doctor likes to see the child at least once to get some idea of what she is dealing with before treatment commences.

I could see how nervous Caroline was about the prospect of this as they left this morning with Christian kicking and screaming so I pray your hand would be with her before, during and after the consultation, Lord.  I pray that your spirit of peace might descend of Christian and that the doctor might have a ray of hope to offer in his case.  Thank you too that some other hope has already come her way via Peter’s initial chats with Logan (or Logan’s lawyer – not sure which).  According to Peter some interim financial support will be coming Caroline’s way very soon as a bridge until more permanent terms can be nutted out.

I must say that Caroline was not as jubilant as I thought she might be on getting this news but I can only assume that there’s a finality in the words ‘permanent terms’ that must be difficult to process.  It must be very hard to realise that the marriage is truly over.  I keep thinking how I would feel if I were in similar shoes and how I would reconcile what happened with my Christian values or understanding of the biblical principles regarding separation and divorce.  I pray I would never find myself in the same place, Lord, because I know I would be sorely convicted between wanting to do the right thing for the sake of the children and wanting as much vengeance as I thought I could get.

Anyway, once again all I can do is lift the whole sorry mess before you and pray for your wisdom, leading and provision for both the Wests and ourselves.  I lift all before you in your precious name…Amen

Well it is back to the café for me this morning, Lord, and I must say it does feel like a real treat to have some space (and my thoughts) to myself.  This morning was a real Herculean effort.  I can’t believe I managed to get everyone where they were supposed to be going and on time and still have a small amount of use of my mental faculties afterward.  I pray you would have your hand on all four of those I’ve dropped off – on Emily at school and Nathan and kindy, and on Faith and Trinity at their school.

For once, though, I find myself praying with more fervour for the latter two since Caroline’s meeting with their school on Friday.  Just as we have seen at home, both of the girls are suffering severe side effects from all they have been (and are) going through.  In Faith’s case her attention seeking behaviour in class is becoming a real challenge for the teacher while Trinity’s complete silence is having an equally detrimental effect on her ability to learn.  Trinity’s teacher has been unable to complete several important assessments due to Trinity’s refusal to utter so much as a single word.  Even her friends have had no success in engaging her in conversation to the point where Trinity spends the majority of lunch and play times completely alone.

Lord, I pray that your hand would continue to be on this vulnerable family and that something can be done for the girls as well as Christian.  I still can’t quite believe how fast the Wests have devolved from being a model family into this mess they find themselves in.  Only Logan at this point seems to have got away unscathed but I pray that Peter’s work on Caroline’s behalf might see a change of attitude there as well.  I pray you would convict Logan of his sin, Lord, and that he might become a source of improvement for his family rather than the cause of a lot of its sorrow.

Thank you for our time at church yesterday.  For some reason Claire and William were not there so any feared confrontation did not take place.  Of course this may simply be delaying the inevitable – something I’m perfectly happy to do.  Daniel surprised me greatly by following up his sermon series on John by moving on to look at the first two chapters of Jonah.  He joked that since John ended with a big fish story he would keep the trend up by moving on to another big fish story.  In truth, though, Daniel held my attention with the amount of insights he found in the first two chapters of Jonah – and what was even more enlightening was how many of these insights applied to me.

Lord, you asked Jonah to take your prophetic word to the people of Nineveh but instead Jonah ran away.  I could instantly see myself in this – reluctant to do what you ask of me, more keen to run away than be obedient.  I can see times in my life when I have ended up in a worldly equivalent of a big fish, where I’ve come to the end of myself and can only say as Jonah did,  “I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.”  I’m not sure why we are often so eager to run away from what you want us to do, Lord.  I suppose it is out of fear that we will lose ourselves in obedience to you when in fact the opposite is true.  Is it that we think we know better what is good for us?  Is it that we care more about ourselves than we do for the fate of others – especially those in the wrong and far from you?  I don’t know.

Instead I pray that you would help me to not keep repeating the same mistakes of running away and questioning your will.  Sure, sometimes the things you ask of me seem as daunting as Jonah’s task to prophesy to a foreign people, but I need to trust you, Lord, that you know what you are doing more than I do.  Not only that, I need to realise that sometimes the fate of others is more important than my own fate and, as Daniel said, if we are to be true servants of you we must do as you ask regardless of the consequences.

Better go now, Lord.  Bless our family and my day…Amen

Morning Lord!  Just a quick prayer time this morning as I woke up really early then fell back to sleep and now have a ridiculously short amount of time to get everyone organised so as not very late for church.  Sorry too about the lack of prayer yesterday.  To be honest I just couldn’t seem to get out of my own way, focus or make time to connect.  I pray (as always) that you would forgive me my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness for your namesake.

As usual I pray for your hand to be on Daniel as he comes to speak to us from your word this morning.  Bless him, Lord.  I pray that your spirit of peace might work on Claire and William too and that we might be able to enjoy a Sunday morning church service without drama or histrionics.

With the children due to return to school and kindy tomorrow I also pray for clarity of thought and purpose, that I might finally get myself into gear today so that tomorrow morning is not absolute chaos.  I must say I have not missed doing the double school run and kindy drop-off one bit so I know it will be hard to get back into routine.  The holidays might be full of noise, activity and constantly hungry and demanding children but there are some compensations for having them home.

I commit us all to you in your mighty name…Amen

Morning Lord.  Well, I can’t quite believe it but here we are, the last official day of the school holidays and – thanks to my new alarm system – a holiday where I’ve had almost no problem being up early enough to spend time with you.  I’m not sure what the day will hold apart from a small stint of mass babysitting.  There’s also a constant need to buy groceries with having so many people in the house so no doubt food shopping will be on the agenda somewhere.  Other than that I guess it will be just the usual – trying to keep the peace and some semblance of sanity.  I guess if I ever do make it through motherhood in one piece I could always apply to join the United Nations.  I’m sure I’ve gained many of the prerequisite skills needed for international diplomacy and calm.

Thank you for the blessings of yesterday.  Emily and Nathan had a fabulous time with Dad.  He’d really gone to a lot of trouble to make things fun for them.  He took them back into the city but instead of just tromping them around the shops he had them follow clues and look for things like little statues on buildings that everyone else walks by, and of course through the park to see the flowers and trees, not to mention the old cannon.  Nathan was agog at the cannon.  Apparently Dad was a bit worried that both Emily and Nathan would be too young to enjoy the mystery trip that he’d obviously spent a lot of time preparing, but no, Emily read out the clues as best she could and both of them used their eagle eyes to spot whatever the clue was about.  Brilliant.

Meanwhile Andrew and I had such a great lunch that he was late back to work.  I’m not sure if it was the novelty of it all but it suddenly occurred to us that it really is a great way to catch up – and all without the need for paying for a babysitter.  When Nathan goes to school later this year (and provided I don’t rush straight back into some sort of part time employment) Andrew and I both said we should make lunch dating a more regular thing.

Anyway, both of these things were a real blessing so I want to give you thanks for that.  On the downside, in our absence Caroline had received a call from Faith and Trinity’s school asking she come in today because the Principal and teachers want to have a serious talk about both of the girls before the start of the new term.  To be honest I’m not sure how many more worries one woman can cope with so I pray, Lord, that the school will go easy on Caroline and that their desire to talk with her is rooted in a desire to help rather than a burning need to point fingers and make accusations.  I pray you would be with her as she goes to this meeting – and as always, be with me as I try and manage five very different children under one roof.  I pray once again for your blessing on our household in your precious name…Amen

Morning Lord!  Here I am again…but feeling not so bad this morning.  If nothing else I actually have something to look forward to today for a change which is nice.  As you know, Dad is taking Emily and Nathan out again today for the second part of their mystery adventure.  And, since that will leave me footloose and fancy-free, (apart from a tonne of housework and helping out Caroline) Andrew suggested I meet him for lunch.  Lunch!  A date!  Really, it’s almost more than my poor housewifely heart can contain!

The children are equally excited about the prospect of having another day out with Dad, especially on top of our adventure into the city yesterday.  Two days out in a row is a most unexpected holiday treat – which does make us sound rather boring but in reality does just indicate that the children are getting a bit older and are able to cope with more.  That and the fact that it’s more peaceful at the moment to be out than at home.  Mind you, I have noticed that the presence of the West children in the household has brought a sort of solidarity between my two as they band together to either stake out territory or escape for the odd bit of peace on their own.

Anyway, I do pray that you would bless Dad’s time with the grandchildren today and that you would bless the time that Andrew and I have together.  I pray he doesn’t get caught up in some interminable meeting or on the phone to some bore with verbal diarrhoea.  I also want to continue to pray for Caroline and for Peter as well, that your hand would be on him as he works on Caroline’s behalf.

And, Lord, I also want to continue to pray for Jess and Madison.  I think yesterday was quite a successful outing in that we did manage to brighten Madison’s day and I did feel a bit more reassured by what I saw.  It sounds as though she is spending a lot of time hanging out in an office out the back of the café, colouring in, watching dvd’s on the computer, all the same sort of things as my kids do in the holidays, but just in a less conducive atmosphere.  At least she isn’t being left on her own.  Jess and Madison both look well, though, and it seems clear that the people who have employed Jess are just the sort to find her interesting enough to treat her well and even befriend her a bit.  Keep them safe, Lord, and lead them to you.

Better get going now!  Hope you’ve enjoyed a day of no complaining!  Amen

Morning Lord!  I guess you can take it as read that it’s yet another early start this morning.  Just a quick prayer time today as I’m wanting to get organised and out the door early.  I think my two need a bit of a break from the four walls after being stuck at home all day yesterday.  I suggested we maybe go into town and visit Madison and was expecting groans all round but both Nathan and Emily seemed very keen on the idea.  Maybe it’s a case of the devil you used to know isn’t as bad as the one you’re currently living with??  Anyway, I was glad they agreed.  In truth I’m keen to keep an eye on things and check out arrangements, especially what Jess has organised while she’s working to keep Madison safe and entertained while the school holidays are on.

Thankfully, apart from a bit of cabin fever, we all survived yesterday.  I think Christian is starting to get used to my presence and tolerate my small interventions into his life.  Of course he’s not toilet trained (shows no sign of being in the least aware of anything happening in his nether regions) so I had to do a couple of nappy changes which was strange to say the least, but thankfully he did not scream the house down.

Meanwhile Caroline got on well with Peter.  He said that Logan has obligations and responsibilities that he is not currently meeting and that it appears he has taken advantage of Caroline’s precarious situation by dodging them completely.  It’s as though in Logan’s knowing Caroline is completely preoccupied by Christian he has assumed she will have no time or capacity to check into her rights (and his responsibilities) and is getting away with not paying a red cent Scot-free.  What a cheek!

Peter has told Caroline that she must not think another thing about the cost of what will come next because he is happy to sort this out for her as an old friend and he’s going to get right onto it.  He suspects that a couple of calls – a couple of warning shots across the bow – will be all that’s necessary to get Logan to play ball.  Peter also said it might be useful to get a private investigator to do a little digging as Logan’s behaviour is consistent with someone who is hiding things – such as extra money – money that should be divisible property in an eventual divorce.  Divorce!  I guess it is an inevitability.  Of course Caroline can’t afford private investigators either but Peter said he would call in a couple of favours and see what he could do.

It’s all incredibly like something off t.v. and I still can’t believe the Logan I’ve known for years could turn into something Logan himself spends much of his time looking at in the course of his job – I’ll say no more!!  Anyway, Lord, thank you for this positive step forward.  I continue to pray that your hand would be on the situation and that you would provide what is needed at the right time.  I continue to pray for the intestinal fortitude to get through in the meantime!  Bless our day today, Lord…Amen

Morning Lord.  Bit of a dull morning with grey skies overhead.  This seems to be making Andrew and I both feel sluggish and not very enthusiastic.  No doubt Andrew will brighten once he gets to the intellectual stimulation at work whereas I have the prospect of looking after five children singlehandedly for which I can drum up no enthusiasm whatsoever.  Nevertheless, after my rather churlish prayer session yesterday I do at least want to thank you for this new day and ask for your blessing on it.   I think I am going to need it.

As you know, Caroline is off this morning to see a lawyer, a guy who’s an old school friend of ours.  When Caroline called Peter he seemed pleased to hear from her and seems keen to help.  He specialises in family law (most conveniently!) and said he is sure he can assist.  And, when Caroline muttered about not having any money to pay, he waved away all her concerns and insisted she come to see him anyway.  So, Lord, I pray that you would be with Caroline as she goes to see Peter, that he would be as helpful (and free) as he sounded, and that something can be done to at least enable Caroline to support the children in an independent means.

The tough thing is that with having Christian I just can’t see how Caroline could ever return to the workforce to help support the family, or ever even do something at home either.  Her old job as a technical writer for a medical magazine requires a lot of concentration and a more up-to-date knowledge than Caroline probably now possesses, and even if she could find some freelance work, when would she ever be able to find time to do it?  Plus the risk of the-autistic-child-ate-my-homework scenario would be a clear and present danger.

In short, something has to be done, and I do pray that Peter might be just the man to facilitate such a thing.  If not Peter, then I pray that some other solution might be found – and fast.   There’s still two and a half weeks to go until Caroline’s parents return.

Speaking of parents, I was thinking quite a bit yesterday about Claire and William and the problem they present.  I would say I can’t imagine anyone as complaining as Claire but for the small irony that I complain quite a bit myself.  However, I certainly hope that I don’t complain quite as much as Claire, nor foist my high and unrealistic expectations on everyone else either.  It’s as though her principles and scruples are more important than real feelings and emotions.  As long as you ‘do’ the right thing, what does it matter how you feel?

Problem is, I don’t live my life by Claire’s principles and scruples (although I do hopefully live by your principles) and am much more interested in what really goes on in a person’s heart than in obeying a set of rules.  I just got to thinking that I will never be able to live up to Claire’s ideals and nor do I want to.  I want to be a feeling, caring, emotionally alive person, not someone that cares more for how the couch covers might be crinkled if someone sits on them in an unregulated fashion, or alarmed by someone having a different opinion than me.

So, Lord, I’ve decided not to take any more of Claire’s imposing edicts because I can never and will never agree with many things she holds dear.  Not only that, I know I can never and will never make her happy even if I did agree.  Next time she rings to say we’ve violated some law of hers, I am going to politely tell her that I understand what she is saying but that I happen to think differently, and in consequence am going to act differently.  No, scrap that.  First, I’m going to urgently pray for your wisdom and patience then I’m going to tell her that I don’t agree.

Anyway, Lord, enough rambling from me.  I lift all of this before you in your mighty name and pray especially for a miracle this morning that I might be able to manage Christian for an hour or so without dire consequences for anyone or anything in the household.  Amen.

I come to you today, Lord, feeling quite ruffled in spirit in all sorts of ways.  The most obvious involves our resident terrorist who, over the weekend, not only flooded our bathroom (badly) but also in a fit of temper slammed a door so hard that a huge impression of the doorknob has been left in the wall.  Lord, I don’t want to be too precious about these things but I find it hard enough when our kids ruin something in the house, let alone someone else’s kids being responsible.  Okay, so I know that Christian can’t help it really and that Caroline is trying her best, but boy, the destruction that kid can do in a moment’s inattention is truly scary.

Then there was church yesterday.  Daniel talked on John 21 and concentrated on the story of the disciples out fishing and it struck me how like them I am.  Daniel said it was interesting to see that after your death and resurrection the disciples clearly weren’t sure what to do next.  So what did they do?  They went home and went back fishing, resorting to what they had known best before you came into their lives.  Daniel then talked about what it must have been like for the disciples to be out doing what they used to do best only to find their efforts came up empty.  Of course you had other intentions for the disciples (and the rest, as they say, is history) but what struck me was that there we were just a week ago, celebrating Easter, being thankful and moved anew by what you did for us…and then what?  Just like the disciples, we have now quickly relegated those Easter feelings to history and gone back to life as normal.  I have neither been particularly mindful nor thankful this past week for all that you have done.

Then there was Ashley and Cameron.  Granted, their visit was not the unmitigated disaster I had foreseen, but somehow the sight of the two of them looking so happy together moved me in an unexpected and negative way.  I found myself looking at them in that first flush of love and thinking how lucky they are to be experiencing that.  Now don’t get me wrong, I do love Andrew and am very grateful for him in my life, but the small thought that I will never again experience that first flush of love (unless we got divorced – unlikely – or Andrew died – ghastly) was painful to me.  Perhaps that’s why so many thirty- and forty-somethings love romantic comedies so much – to relive those feelings from the past.

Then, to top things off, Claire rang last night to complain that we had entertained Satan and his girlfriend (a.k.a Cameron and Ashley) in that sort of “how could you?” way that outraged people adopt.  Apparently she and William had driven by our house and seen their car parked outside and immediately took umbrage that we were aiding and abetting their unsanctioned romance (Claire’s words, not mine).  And while this did sort of remind me in a roundabout way that no one’s life if as perfect as we imagine, all it did was add to my list of frustrations.

So, in summary, I am an angry, faithless, jealous, frustrated, conflicted and complaining individual.  I’m not quite sure what you’ll make of me, Lord, but at this point all I can do is once again is be honest and recognise that I need you to make sense of the things in my life.  I keep wondering, what is it that you want from me, Lord?  What is it that you are trying to show me?  I pray you would help me make sense of all of this…and fast…Amen

Well, Lord, there’s no problem in making sure I’m awake enough to get organised for church today what with Christian having been up since five thirty.  I’m not quite sure what’s gotten into him though since he has been steadily grizzling for at least an hour.  Poor Caroline.  I would go and interfere but somehow that only seems to make Christian worse.  I guess he must be really confused about all that has happened to him of late, and no doubt a lot of that grizzling is based in confusion.  How hard it must be to be stuck inside yourself and not be able to make sense of the world around you.

I pray that you would fill Caroline with patience and that your spirit of peace would descend on Christian.  With such an inauspicious start to the day I am suddenly regretting my decision to invite Cameron and Ashley around for lunch after church today.  If Christian carries on like this it won’t be fun for anyone – and a definite romance-crusher for the lovebirds.  If anything it could seriously put them off the idea of kids for life.

I guess it was a bit of a mad idea in the first place, but I really feel for Ashley.  Claire and William’s stance has been very isolating for Ashley which is hardly fair, reasonable or in fact wise.  If Ma and Pa Copeland are really so concerned about Ashley’s relationship with Cameron, would it not be more sensible to keep it under their watchful gaze instead of pushing her away?

Anyway, I pray that you would bless our time at church this morning.  As always I pray you would be with Daniel as he speaks to us, and be with Libby as she runs the kids’ church programme.  I pray you would forgive my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness for your namesake.  I pray you would bless our lunch with Cameron and Ashley and if all turns to custard, that an alternative plan would be found at short notice.  I lift all before you in your mighty name…Amen