Morning Lord.  I think I had better start off with some brief apologies:  sorry for missing my prayer time yesterday (due to chaos); sorry for being in a hurry this morning (due to chaos); and sorry for being a bit out of sorts (due to chaos).  Bit of a sad start, but a true one nonetheless.

I knew that the arrival of the Wests would take some adjustment on all parts but never did I picture our whole lives being turned upside down, both night and day.  It’s as though someone has come into our house and simply turned up the volume – there’s more voices all clamouring to be heard, more people, more dishes, more demands, more problems – but, significantly, less space, and nowhere to go to escape the melee.

Christian (whose middle name could well be Chaos) dominates proceedings.  The majority of day and night are given over to managing him, placating him, keeping an eye on him, feeding him, humouring him and at times even yelling at him.  He’s like a force ten disaster area with legs.  How Caroline hasn’t been carted off to the loony bin by now I don’t know.  All I can say is knowing about autism is considerably different from living with autism – something I wish I had never discovered.

And when Caroline said he doesn’t sleep she really wasn’t exaggerating!  I could count my sleep on Friday night by minutes rather than hours.  The whole house yesterday (bar Christian) was like a pack of extras from a zombie movie.  Christian, on the other hand, was like the Energiser Bunny.  No wonder Faith is acting up and Trinity has stopped speaking.  The former probably recognises being bad is the only way to be seen, while the latter has probably realised speech is pointless when no one is listening anyway.

So, we’re off to church this morning, and taking both the West girls with us while Caroline stays home to see if she can get Christian to settle at bit without the rest of us around to put him off the process.  I pray you would forgive me for my lack of patience, for my frustration and even for feeling angry that things should come to this and we should be thus tested.  Bless our time away, Lord, and be with Caroline!  Amen

Well, here we are, D-Day, Lord.  I can’t believe that our house is about to be packed to the rafters yet again – and to an extent that we’ve never experienced before.  I must say Andrew and I are equally nervous about the prospect, and yet by the same token we are both somehow sure that this is the right thing to be doing.  It’s funny how a person can feel dead certainty and absolute lunacy at the same time!

It is bound to be a long, difficult day today, Lord, so I want to pray that you would give us assistance with what is to come.  Help us all to get along, to be safe, and to have enough energy.  I especially pray for Christian today, that he would remain calm and not be too stressed out and confused by the move.  I also pray he would not seize the opportunity to run again because I really don’t think I could take that for a second time.  He’s just so vulnerable, Lord.  Out of everyone this is bound to be the most difficult for him because, from my observation, he really doesn’t appear to understand the majority of things going on around him.

I suspect we are all going to need patience in abundance over the coming few weeks (since, short of a miracle, it seems clear Caroline is out of options until at least her parents’ house is finished – which may not be until May) so I pray for your hand to be on us all, not only for the move, but for the days and weeks to come.  Bless our house, Lord, and all who dwell in it…Amen

Here I am, Lord, and in predictable fashion here to check in with you before Bible Study today but absent yesterday as per my all-too-normal Wednesday chaos.  Of course, also predictably, yesterday turned out to be a day I could well have done with all the heaven-sent support you could have funnelled my way.  When I’m ever going to learn that I need you all the time I just don’t know.

Anyway, as you know, I went around to Caroline’s yesterday morning to not only lend a hand with more packing but also to be there as referee/guard dog/arbitrator since it had been arranged that Logan would come by and take away his things.  I must say that I didn’t know what to expect but figured the fact that Logan had just walked away from the family home meant that most of his possessions had ceased to hold any real meaning for him.  How wrong can a gal be…and how little did I ever know Logan if his behaviour yesterday was anything to go by.

I certainly never expected Logan to be so hostile towards Caroline (and indirectly to me) nor that he would be so demanding about the worldly goods he wanted to take away.  I mean I know they are only separated with no mention of divorce having been uttered at this stage, but if (and sadly, I think, when) it comes to a divorce there won’t be anything left to sort out.  The house has already had to be sold to cover the debts which only leaves the chattels.  And there was Logan, determined to take as much of their joint, non-nailed-down property as he could.  He seemed more than willing to argue over everything from crystal vases to cd’s in a bid to take away whatever he could.  What a shock, Lord, to see a guy I once thought was almost perfect (and, I’m ashamed to add, more perfect than my own faithful, hard working, modest-income-earning husband) turn into a picky, angry, unfeeling b…rute.

Poor Caroline seemed defeated by the whole thing, and on the verge of tears when Logan started demanding she open boxes already packed to look for things he insisted were his.  Thankfully Daniel turned up unexpectedly, thinking to catch up with Caroline and maybe help.  In the end his arrival couldn’t have been more timely if he’d tried.  He smoothed things over and got Logan to agree that his behaviour was hardly appropriate given the circumstances so at least that was the end of the box opening for now.

After Logan was gone, and when Caroline was off tending to Christian, I said to Daniel that life was full of more strife than I really wanted to be exposed to.  I also commented that he must, in his position, see more of the darker side of life than he must enjoy.  Daniel laughed and said that he never knew from one day to the next what might happen from morning to night, but that he was learning more and more to turn everything over to you, Lord, and to simply set out and see what you bring his way.

I sometimes wonder what stops me from doing the same, Lord.  Maybe it’s because I can’t always see or understand your will, or even understand why so many things seem so unjust.  But, at the end of the day, all I can do is pray that you would lead and guide me even if I’m not always sure what you are up to or why bad things seem to happen even though I pray against them.

Anyway, I had better go.  Bless our time at Bible Study this afternoon, Lord.  In a way I’m tempted not to go because I need to rearrange things a bit before Caroline and the children arrive tomorrow.  I think we’ve sorted out where to put them all (Caroline sharing with Christian in the spare room, my two in Emily’s room, Faith and Trinity in Nathan’s room) none of which seems satisfactory, but it will have to do for the moment.  Emily and Nathan were a bit put out when I told them of the new arrangements but they’ve shared before on holidays away so I’m sure they’ll survive.  As for Caroline, she said she often ends up sleeping with Christian anyway just to get him to sleep so that will be nothing new.

Any help you can spare us would be much appreciated, Lord…Amen

Well, here I am, Lord, still feeling rather ruffled in spirit and still reeling over the events of yesterday.  Who knew when I prayed yesterday what a disastrous day it would turn out to be, a day with consequences we could all be feeling for quite some time to come?  Well, you did, and sometimes, Lord, I wish you didn’t have quite so many unpleasant things in store for me without a least giving me some sort of heads-up about it beforehand.

Of course things all started out so well.  Caroline was pleased to see Libby and me, Nathan and Zoe were pleased to see each other and happy with the idea of trying out a different set of toys.  Caroline got the children organised and was happy to swing between giving Libby and me directions about what she wanted done and supervising Christian and the other two.  Even Christian seemed to be uncharacteristically accommodating, and tolerant enough of two relative strangers invading his space and touching some of his things.  As the first hour wore on Caroline even started spending more time in the kitchen and less with Christian, not realising what a big mistake that was going to turn out to be.

Then, as you know, Caroline commented that things had got to be a little too quiet for her liking (which, as every parent knows, is equally bad if not worse than a lot of noise) and when she went to investigate she found Nathan and Zoe happily engaged in a game and no sign of Christian anywhere.  And, as you also know, Christian was nowhere to be found.

We had no way of knowing then that Christian was in fact long gone, out of the only door in the house not double and triple locked.  Nathan and Zoe had got so engrossed in what they were doing that they had no idea when they had last seen Christian – but then, at four, they are neither ideal baby-sitters nor reliable witnesses.  When it seemed clear that Christian had left the property all hell broke loose, and I know I felt a sort of panic I’ve never know before, whereas Caroline seemed past that to a point where she lost all reason entirely.

Thankfully Christian was (after two long hours, two searching patrol cars and a circling Police helicopter later) safely located at a distant park sitting on a swing waiting for someone to come and push him.  In spite of his not appearing to take anything in whatsoever it seemed clear he knew exactly where he was going.  It’s just a mercy that the route, although long, required no crossing of major roads.  He seemed most unaffected by the fuss and in fact screamed when the Police officers tried to take him away.  It was only when one of them suggested giving him a swing that he calmed down and was happier to comply.

The whole thing is still giving me the heeby-geebies today, to think how things might have turned out so much worse, of how vulnerable Christian is when he can’t even let anyone his own name, of how hard it is to parent a child that like.  Then there was my comment, said to Caroline in her worst hour of need when she was beside herself not only about Christian’s safety but about what was to become of them with just five days to go until they have to move.  Before I knew it there I was suggesting that in the interim they move in with us, that we would somehow manage while Caroline got herself sorted, that we were so used to guests by now that another set really wouldn’t matter.

What was I thinking, Lord?  And why was Caroline so quick to accept?  Could she not have said,  “No, no, thanks for offering but that’s the maddest idea I’ve ever heard”?  And then I had to tell Andrew.  He didn’t actually mention the word ‘divorce’ but I could see him thinking it, very briefly.  But then, he just shrugged and went out to spend some quiet time in the empty garage before it gets filled up – again.

So, Lord, I pray that if some other alternative could be found that you would bring it along as soon as possible!  Failing that I pray for every bit of patience heaven can spare because I think I’ve really done it this time.  If I wasn’t in such shock I think I might even start feeling a bit angry – with me, with you, with life – but for now all I can think of is how on earth we are going to cope.  Please be with us…Amen

Morning Lord.  Just a quick prayer time this morning as I need to get organised so that I’m free this afternoon.  As you know, Libby and I have arranged to go around to Caroline’s to help out a bit more with packing.  We’re going to try and tackle the kitchen while Nathan and Zoe (Libby’s four year old daughter) hopefully keep Christian amused and out of smashing distance from the precious kitchen things.  How Libby got Caroline to agree to let us help her I don’t know, but with Caroline’s parents now gone overseas and with moving day looming I guess Caroline was all out of excuses.

It occurred to me that there is something about women (or mothers at least) that makes them quite difficult to help.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that we want to be seen as strong enough and capable enough to not need assistance – as though asking for or needing help might be interpreted as a real weakness.  I know I do it with Andrew where I want him to help out more in the weekends than he does but if I ask him that will be saying something about how I can’t really manage.

On top of that I think there’s also a strange working mother/at home mother dichotomy that happens as well.  The working mother probably doesn’t want to admit that help is needed because then the critics who say you can’t do it all will have a field day.  Meanwhile, the at home mother probably assumes people will think her super-pathetic if she needs help while others manage work and home with apparent ease.  Maybe the desire to appear competent gets the better of us all one way or another.

In a way I know I am no better than Caroline, but in her situation help is vital.  I can only continue praying that you would provide for her needs, Lord – and fast.  Thank you for the practical, generous help of Libby who continues to amaze me with her capacity to give.  Somehow that very no-nonsense approach that led me to believe Libby to be aloof is actually a real asset in getting other people on board with whatever she wants to tackle.  People seem not able to refuse her!  Anyway, bless our time together this afternoon and help us to help Caroline just as much as humanly possible with the few hours we have to spare.

I would like to write more today about yesterday (Daniel’s interesting sermon on John 17; the big announcement that Diana is off overseas and is giving up Sunday School; Claire demanding to know if we’ve seen or heard from Ashley) but I know once I get going I might not stop.  I will say though that the news about Diana came as a big surprise.  I know she has tried her best but I must say that I, for one, am quite relieved that she is stepping down.  The only down side is who might possibly take over.  Let’s hope no one starts looking my way!

Anyway, I do pray for your hand to be on Diana as she makes final preparations to go away.  I know she’s planning on spending time with both her adult children who live somewhere overseas (you’d know better than me!) and I pray that this time might be refreshing for her.  She strikes me as being far from satisfied with what life has brought her so I pray you might bring encouragement and fresh hope into her life.

I pray for all these things in your mighty name…Amen

Morning Lord!  Here we are, Sunday morning, and I’ve woken up early.  With the house now minus its most recent guests I am once again free to roam its halls without fear of surprise encounters or of disturbing anyone I shouldn’t.  So, rather than feeling a bit peeved with waking up early I am instead revelling in the freedom of being able to sit in my own lounge, sprawl about as I please, and justify my actions to no one.

Sorry about the lack of prayer yesterday, but it turned out to be a day of chaotic proportions.  Jess, bless her heart, was completely disorganised and in the five weeks she and Madison have been here had managed to spread a great deal of her worldly goods all over our house.  Not only that, she hadn’t given much thought to how she would transport all the rest of her possessions that have been mouldering in our garage, so not only did Andrew and I have to help her pack, we also ended up organising her move as well.  Thankfully (as you know) Cameron was able to come and lend a hand (repaid by dinner last night), we were able to borrow a trailer off Libby’s husband Mark, the weather stayed fine, and four trips later, Jess and Madison were officially gone.

I must say that with such a display of incompetence on Jess’s part I do wonder how she has managed to get as old as she is and raise a child almost single-handedly and for the both of them to still be alive.  Yet the new arrangements do look like they will work out well.  Madison’s transfer to the new school has been expedited, and Jess once again has work and a home.  Long may it last, Lord.  I pray that you would bless them and keep them safe.  I recognise that I may be part of that process and know I will have to try to stay in touch, but for now all I can feel is profound gratitude to once again have our house and our family back to normal – or what goes for normal around here.

Dinner with Cameron and Ashley turned out to be fun although there was one sad moment when Ashley announced that they’ve found themselves a new church to go to.  Ashley said that as much as they liked Daniel, they both felt there was no way they could fellowship and grow with Ma and Pa Copeland casting them disapproving stares, or causing ructions in the car park.  Apparently Daniel was instrumental in helping them make this momentous decision and in assisting with finding a new church which does make me wonder what he’s playing at.  Could he not have counselled Claire and William that they should find a new church – somewhere where Claire is welcome to share her views, have them obeyed, and have the last word on absolutely everything?  Like a nice fellowship somewhere in Outer Mongolia?

I wish I could reluctantly concede that it is better for Cameron and Ashley to be happy and for Cameron to be able to get grounded in his faith in a place not brimming with animosity.  I wish I could wholeheartedly agree that a fresh start is needed for Ashley as well, and that a new, supportive church is probably just what they need to help nurture their relationship.  Instead all I can think is,  “What about me?”  Maybe I don’t want to be at church with Claire and William either, or for Cameron and Ashley to be going to a different church.  I suggested to Andrew that we should leave too, but then he did remind me that we both enjoy Daniel, I love my Bible Study group and that the place isn’t all bad.

This seems to be another example of you doing things, Lord, that I’m just not so sure about.  Sometimes I can’t fathom why you allow things to turn out as they do.  And why is it that every time something good happens (like Jess and Madison moving out) something else bad seems to come in and take its place?

But, I do still love you, Lord, and I pray that you would forgive me for my lack of faith.  As we prepare to go to church this morning I pray that you would bless our family, speak to our hearts, and bless Daniel as he comes to speak your word to us.  I pray I would not be tempted to give Daniel a piece of my mind and that if at all possible, we could avoid contact with the in-laws so I don’t give them not just a piece of my mind but a whole wedge of my thoughts on their recent behaviour and conduct.  In your name I pray…Amen.

Well, here we are, Jess and Madison’s last day (and night) with us.  To be honest I’m not quite sure who’s the most excited – Jess, Emily or me.  I suspect it just might be Emily.  The relief on her face when I told her the news was palpable.  Of course it is a shame that the two girls were not able to get over their differences and I’m not sure I did a good enough job of helping Emily to make good choices, but then they are only seven and hardly emotionally mature.   (Mind you, is emotional maturity about age at all??  Look at Claire!)  I do feel a bit of a failure though.

Perhaps there’s also the fact that some friendships seem to be for a season of life and after that the close connection gets lost.  I don’t know why that happens.  At times I do wonder whether that’s what’s happening with Linley and me.  We were once really close but the more that time goes on, the wider the divide between us seems to get.  I don’t know if it’s circumstance (she’s working, I’m not), relationship (I’m married, she’s not) responsibility (I have a family, she just has herself to look after) or ideology (I’m still smarting after her anti-Bible comments) but it does seem that we have little in common any more.  But is it right to abandon a friendship of such long standing?  Whose job is it to overlook the differences and just love a person for who they are?  Mine I suppose.  The trouble is that it’s easier said than done when the recipient of the friendship keeps criticising you for the choices you’ve made in return.  As clichéd as it sounds, it does take two to tango.

I’m going to put on a farewell dinner tonight as a bit of a send-off for Jess and Madison.  What that entails at the moment I just don’t know so I will need to sign off shortly to get myself organised.  On top of that, Andrew has invited Cameron and Ashley to come for dinner tomorrow night as well, so I guess I should kill two birds with one stone and get sorted for that too.  At first I was a bit put out with Andrew that he invited them to come on our first night of freedom in weeks but in truth it will be good to see them and find out how things are going.  We haven’t seen either of them since the funeral.

Anyway, I entrust all of this into your hands, and also want to pray for the other usual suspects in our lives as well.  I’m afraid my prayers are not very good, are they, Lord?  However, I figure you know much more just what each of our friends and family need so I pray you would be working in each of their lives for good, Lord.  We did talk yesterday at Bible Study about godly wisdom and the difference between godly wisdom and worldly wisdom and I know for sure that if I was left to my own devices it would most likely be foolishness all the way.  I lift all before you in your mighty name…Amen