Well, here I am Lord.  It’s morning and the house is blissfully quiet for once because Emily and Madison are at school, and Nathan’s at kindy.  Even Jess is out at an appointment with some government department or other.  They want to talk about how soon she thinks she might be able to get out of the unemployment queue and be back as a responsible tax-paying citizen as opposed to a tax-taking one.  Since unemployment figures are still pretty tragic I can only wonder at them even bothering to ask – but then I suppose this in turn gives some delightful pen-pushing drone the opportunity to be employed themselves.

Sunday turned out to be a bit of a mixed bag, Lord, and I’m not sure I really enjoyed it much.  In fact, I don’t want to be too much of a moaner, but could I just say that I am getting a bit sick of all the drama that seems to go on around us?  It feels as though everyone we know is up to their eyeballs in the stuff, and they all seem to feel some sort of strange obligation to share it with us.  I keep praying for people to be restored and for things to improve, but sometimes I must confess that it feels as though you might not be listening Lord.

Take yesterday for example.  We were all ready to go to church, kids nicely dressed, Jess and Madison organised, looking forward to a nice time to worship you, hear a good message and enjoy some fellowship.  What happened?  We got to church and there were Ashley and Cameron, lurking in the car park, waiting for us to arrive so we could provide them with an armed guard, and thus avoid Ma and Pa Copeland.  Great.  I mean it was nice to see them, and obviously nice to see Cameron coming to church, but why do things have to be tinged with difficulty?

So we file in to church and I can see Claire’s pencil-drawn eyebrows disappear into carefully coiffed hairline as we come in.  Her mouth goes straight as a line, and it’s quite clear she is not impressed to see us escorting her wicked, disobedient (thirty-five year old) daughter into your holy place with the spawn of Satan himself in attendance.

We’re distracted by the start of the music, we sing some songs, then sit down to listen to Daniel’s message and all the while I’m aware of these dark looks Claire is sending our way as though she expects us to stand up, point at Cameron and say,  “Get behind me!” Either that or she hoped for some spontaneous combustion on his part.  It was clear she was paying no heed to Daniel’s sermon on John 12 which strongly features the blind, hard-hearted Pharisees and in which you talk about not judging others.  Hardly seems much point in coming to church if all that happens is you don’t listen, act pharisaic and judge people, does there?

Of course as soon as the service was over Ashley and Cameron sprinted for the door, then came later to our house for lunch.  They left in their wake a tutting and unhappy Claire, who even last night was back on the phone moaning to Andrew and upbraiding him for consorting with the enemy – and for meeting the enemy and having him as a best friend at school in the first place (as if he should have known such a thing as Ashley liking Cameron could have been predicted).

I was trying to concentrate on what Daniel was saying and failed a bit, but did come away with two points.  The first part of John 12 talks about the feast at which Mary anoints your feet, and the fuss Judas makes saying the perfume should have been sold and the money given to the poor (after he’d taken his surreptitious cut).  Daniel said we should all think about our own honesty and whether we keep for ourselves those gifts or blessings (or income) that God intends to help others.  The second thing he said was at the other end of the chapter when you talk about the fact that you will not condemn or judge if people reject you, but that the Father is the one and only judge.  Then you said, (verse 49)

“For I did not speak of my own accord, but the Father who sent me commanded me what to say and how to say it.”

It was yet another reminder that this same way of living (with everything coming from the Father and doing nothing under your own strength) is exactly the way you intend us to live.  So, Lord, when dealing with all these different people with their difficult problems I pray that it would be you that tells me what to say, and you who tells me how to say it.  It might be weak of me, but I really can’t manage this life on my own – but then again, nor am I meant to.  Amen.

Morning Lord!  I’ve woken up early (or you’ve woken me up early?) so I figure I will spend some time with you before I emerge from the bedroom and get sucked into the events of the day.  We’re planning on going to church this morning so as usual I definitely want to check in with you before we go, to give you thanks and praise, and to ask for your forgiveness for my many and plentiful sins.  I also pray you would have your hand on Daniel as he prepares for today’s service and on our kids, that they would behave themselves at Sunday School.

We’ll be leaving Jess and Madison to their own devices again, but since that went well yesterday (as far as I know) hopefully it will be fine again today.  I suppose it will be good for Jess and Madison to get some time together now and then without us Copelands.  Besides, I can’t imagine Jess wanting to come to church even if we did ask her.

Lunch yesterday was quite interesting – and not only because we survived Mum’s dire cooking.  Thankfully I realised yesterday morning (bad daughter that I am) that Mum’s invitation to come to lunch was by way of an early birthday celebration since her birthday’s on Wednesday.  I mean, I knew it was coming up, and had thought I might go and find a present for her while Nathan’s at kindy tomorrow or Tuesday.  So (as you know) I dashed out to get her a present, and even one of those bought cakes just for good measure, but when we got there she actually seemed surprised by my efforts, as though such a thing as celebrating her birthday had never occurred to her or even happened before for that matter.

I will say I do find my mother a most perplexing woman.  However, a comment she made yesterday (as a result of the cake) really gave me a fresh insight into how she thinks.  She said that she really had absolutely no expectation where her birthday’s concerned, and while she sort of made those,  “Not at my age,” type comments, I realised that this lack of expectation applied to far more than a cake, a couple of presents, and the singing of a little birthday song.

While I have begun to realise that having too many expectations – or too unrealistic expectations – can be a very bad thing and potentially ruin our own enjoyment of life, I had a sudden revelation yesterday that the opposite can also be true.  In my mother I see a woman who has given up any expectation about pretty much anything – and more importantly, any expectation of herself.  This lack of expectation seems to permeate her life in a wretched way so that she doesn’t care about what she looks like, or the state of her house, or even in a way, about other people.

I also realised that this same lack of expectation has rubbed off on my brother so that he doesn’t care either.  His lack of expectation sees him lazy, unmotivated and even a bit disconnected – and maybe explains his lack of commitment where Jasmine is concerned.  Mind you, she’s decided to go to Wellington to check out this amazing opportunity and I can see James is really rattled by this so maybe it might prove to be a catalyst for change.  I pray it would be so, Lord, and also pray that you would help me in my life to have just the right amount of expectation – not too many, not too few.

I can hear the kids stirring now so had better go…thank you for your love and salvation…Amen

Here we are, evening time, and the whole day has whizzed by.  It’s been another day of busyness and confusion.  Jess and Madison have arrived, the newly emptied garage is full again, and a new chapter of life in our crazy household begins.  Andrew is putting our two to bed while Jess settles Madison so I thought I would sneak away for five minutes’ peace.  The temptation to flop on the bed and fall into a coma is very strong but there’s still most of the evening to go and I know I would be in Andrew’s even-worse books if I abandoned him to entertain Jess on her first night here.  Besides, I didn’t manage to write in my prayer journal yesterday and I really don’t want to miss today as well.

I can’t believe the first week of school is over already.  Only another thirty-nine more like that and the school year will be over before we know it.  Emily is still muttering about hating her teacher so I continue to pray that she will settle down soon.  In contrast Madison seems to quite like Miss Rodgers so maybe there’s hope.  The girls seemed quite cagey with one another when Jess and Madison arrived a couple of hours ago so I also pray that the time over the weekend would be a chance for them to find their feet on a social level before the influence of school next week.

Apart from getting ready for Jess’s arrival and helping her shift in I’ve also (as you know!) had Caroline on the phone in tears after getting a letter from the bank notifying her that they intend for foreclose on the mortgage and will be forcing a mortgagee sale.  I don’t know if the current economic climate has made them wary, but it appears as though the bank are taking a particularly hard line in this regard, not to mention proceeding with unseemly haste.  Either that or the true state of the West’s finances is even more dire than Logan has led Caroline to believe.  But if Logan could be off merrily cheating on her behind her back, who knows what else he’s capable of?

The whole thing makes me feel stunned and rather nauseated, let alone poor Caroline who is absolutely reeling.  Proceedings to sell the house are being commenced next week and the house will be sold by way of auction on March 5^th – four weeks away!  The panic in her voice was just horrible and so I pray like never before that some relief would come Caroline’s way, that she would be spared going through this, and that some miracle solution would present itself.  Caroline just doesn’t deserve this Lord.

Not sure whether I’ll make it to my prayer journal tomorrow, Lord.  With Jess here it will mean yet another dynamic to get used to.  As it is we have been invited (along with James and Jasmine) to lunch at Mum and Dad’s (where I will be taking quite a bit of food along to prevent heartburn/dysentery/sudden death) so we will have the dilemma of what to do with Jess and Madison.  It seems odd to leave them to their own devices on their first full day with us.  And, although I feel a bit bad for admitting this, I feel odd about leaving them, well, unsupervised…we don’t know Jess that well and to leave her in charge of all our worldly goods seems vaguely unwise.  I pray for your hand to be on this situation as well.

Better go…Amen

Afternoon Lord.  Well, here I am at long last…if it wasn’t for the fact that you’re God, you’d be wondering where on earth I got to yesterday.  As it is you know exactly what I’ve been doing and know what an utter chaos yesterday turned into.  It seems clear I am going to have to find a new routine what with Nathan starting morning kindergarten since I now need to get them both out of the house and at two separate places before 9 a.m.  I have discovered in a very short space of time just how difficult it is to be in two places at once.

Then I’ve had about a hundred errands to run what with having been in quarantine/home with the kids for so long that any thought of spending some time with you in this way just disappeared.  Even this morning I did the drop-and-run thing so I could hit the shops and make the most of the time without ‘helpers’ along to give me their most invaluable assistance.

I’ve had to go and buy some more bedding stuff what with Jess and Madison arriving on Friday.  It also occurred to us last night that, just like Linley, they will also be arriving with a house-load of possessions so I’ve had to talk to Linley to see whether alternative arrangements can be made to empty the garage – and pronto.  Of course that conversation went down like a lead balloon, especially given the short time she has to make other plans, but I insisted it was most necessary.  Linley was quite huffy about the whole thing which doesn’t seem fair given the fact that we let her stay with us rent-free for two months and are only asking because someone else needs the space – but no, you’d think we’d never done anything for her.  It’s funny how the benefits of good deeds can be so quickly erased.

I must say that I am not looking forward to having Jess and Madison to stay.  The neighbours will no doubt raise an eyebrow or two at having an on-the-doorstep Goth woman coming and going, but more problematic is her pink-wearing, blonde headed daughter.  It never dawned on me in the middle of being so altruistic that having Jess and Madison to stay would have repercussions on anyone other than Andrew and me, but of course the whole Madison/Emily situation could be very difficult to manage.  Unfortunately the two girls are back in the same class again this year and without Miss Hollis (Educational Goddess) so who knows what could happen.  As it is Emily came home yesterday and said she hates her new teacher Miss Rodgers (who has to be sixty if she’s a day), that she was mean and strict and dry (which I took to mean as having no sense of humour as opposed to being severely dehydrated), none of which bodes well.  I tried to be positive but I can only pray that Jess and Madison’s stay would be of short duration and that you would fill the house with your love and peace.

I really can’t quite imagine what I’ve done to deserve such upheaval but pray for your hand to be on us and for you to work it all out for good…in your name I pray…Amen

Well, here we are, on the eve of a new academic year with the long summer holidays almost over.  I really don’t know where the time went, but gone it has.  I find myself feeling rather nostalgic even though the holiday was a bit chaotic, Nathan got chicken pox, and I achieved pretty much nothing.  However, I’m looking forward to the sound of silence – and I had better enjoy it while it lasts with Jess and Madison moving in on Friday.

Andrew is still sulking a bit about this, as you know.  He said he thought I was too high-handed offering to have Jess move in without discussing it with him first.  When I asked him what he would have said had I discussed it, he of course reluctantly admitted that he would have sanctioned the invitation.  I then said,  “Well, there you go then,” but apparently this is not the point.  Getting to the outcome without the discussion is the point.  I countered this by reminding him that, back in June, a certain person invited Cameron to come and stay without discussion.  I also tried to highlight the fact that I knew what he would say without having to talk about it first clearly showed we had a strong and close marriage, but he didn’t seem to buy that.  I suppose it was reaching a bit.

Anyway, in spite of having conceded we are even in the inviting-people-to-stay-without-asking stakes, Andrew is still sulking a bit.  He seems to have retreated into his man-cave and isn’t about to come out.  If he only knew how reluctant I am to have anyone else move in (ever) he might just as well emerge from his lair and we could have a lovely pity party together.  At this stage all I can do is reiterate my prayer of yesterday and ask that you find Jess a job and a new home and maybe some more stability – and fast.

I’m beginning to think my prayer life might be a bit of a waste of time, Lord.  My prayer journal is just a ramble and most likely very easily ignored.  I read John 11 to see what I missed at church yesterday and it was the account of you raising Lazarus from the dead.  I can’t even manage an empty house let alone an empty tomb.  Not burning the dinner is a triumph for me.

So, for what it’s worth, I pray that you would bless our last day together with the children, continue to have you hand on Caroline, prompt me to remember to call Ashley to see how she and Cameron are doing, and, if possible, have your hand on Linley’s impulse buying button to save her from further ruin…Amen