Here I am, Lord, tuning back in with you.  Sorry about yesterday – there I was feeling all perky at the beginning of the week but it really has been all down-hill since then.  I seem to have been inundated with people and their problems – and since some of those people are either relatives, or live in this house (or both), they then become my problems too.

First of all there was Jess, who is not enjoying the course she is on because she’s worked out it’s for rejects, the long term unemployed, and the very-probably mentally unbalanced.  Instead of the facilitators rolling their eyes at Jess for her dramatic dress sense they are rolling their eyes at everyone for reasons too numerous to list here.  So, rather than making her feel equipped for finding a new job, they’re making Jess feel as though she really should be worried about herself and will never find gainful employment ever again.

This is hardly good news from our perspective, but worse for Jess because it’s eroding what little self esteem she has left.  But how do you say,  “Look, Jess, wearing black all the time, not to mention dramatic makeup, bovver boots and piercings, it’s all very well when you’re twenty or twenty-five, but a bit eyebrow-raising when you’re thirty-five.  Couldn’t you just tone it down a bit?”  But then, considering she probably wears it like protective armour, is saying it at all any good?  Of course what she really needs is you, Lord, so I guess all I can do is pray for her salvation.

Then there was Nathan.  Trying to talk to him about appropriate behaviour is like trying to talk to Christian about appropriate behaviour sometimes.  Actually, that’s a gross exaggeration since Christian doesn’t appear to understand much oral language at all, but talking to Nathan is frustrating nonetheless.  When I tried talking to him about having painted on that girl’s picture he said,  “What’s the big deal?  It was a dumb painting anyway.”  I was about to go ballistic but I took a breath, and asked him to tell me exactly what happened, and he said she’d started it, called his painting poo-poo or some such four year old insult, and whammo, one graffiti artist is born.  Pride certainly takes us on some strange travels, that’s for sure.  Anyway, I’m glad I waited to hear the whole story because it gave me a better platform to talk with Nathan.  Only time will tell whether he was listening or not, I guess.

Sometimes I wish parenting wasn’t so complex you know, Lord, especially when I’ve got both of them misbehaving.  Emily came home from school yesterday with a handwritten letter from Miss Rodgers (in old fashioned copper plate writing) requesting a meeting after school today so only you know what that’s all about, but I suspect it isn’t a good thing.  Whatever the truth is Emily certainly isn’t saying.

Then, to top it all off James came round last night for a bit of a chat.  Since we’ve never had a ‘bit of a chat’ in our lives this came as something of a surprise.  It took him while to cut to the chase but it appears that Jasmine is having a wonderful time in Wellington, and James is fearful she will accept the position she’s been offered.  So, incredibly, he is thinking of popping the question when she gets home in a bid to secure her affections on a more permanent basis.  I don’t think he appreciated me saying that he should have asked her years ago, and that he should consider himself extremely fortunate if she says yes after having been kept on a string for so many years.  What she quite sees in him I don’t know.  Hidden charms obviously.

Anyway, so cutting to the chase myself, I want to lift each of these people before you, Lord, and pray you would work in each of their lives for your good.  I pray first and foremost for their salvation, Lord, especially for my Emily and Nathan, and I pray especially for wisdom in dealing with Miss Rodgers after school today.  Be with our family and friends, Lord…Amen

Morning Lord.  Here I am, alone again, but feeling not quite so pleased with myself today.  Yesterday turned out to be a funny day, and rather than being the relaxed day I thought it might be, it took a small turn for the worse.  This all started (as you know) when I went to pick Nathan up from kindy and found him back in hot water with Andrea.  There was I thinking what a great start he had made back this year, no sign of trouble, that he’s growing up and we’re moving out of that overgrown toddler stage.  But no, here we are back into it, first at Sunday School and now at kindergarten.

I was told by Andrea (in the same tone as Claire uses – the one that accuses as well as informs) that Nathan had deliberately and recklessly painted over the top of some girl’s wonderful work of art, and just as with the girl at Sunday School, laughed and refused to apologise.  According to Andrea the girl in question was devastated (picture months of tears, years of therapy) and that by perpetrating this wonton act of violence Nathan was demonstrating some of the classic signs of a junior psychopath.

This in turn outraged me because, troublesome as he may be, there’s no way Nathan is any sort of a psychopath, junior or otherwise, and to imply such is both unprofessional and unfounded.  As far as I am aware Andrea has no formal psychology training with which to put forward such a diagnosis, plus painting over some girl’s painting is hardly the equivalent of harming small animals or some other form of junior genocide.  Of course when I said she had no right to say such a thing (which I said as politely as I could manage) she then burst into tears and stormed off.  Then the head teacher came over to sort everything out, tried to talk with Nathan about not doing such things, and generally making excuses for Andrea (still the no-baby issues) but really, it does make me wonder whether the place is quite right for Nathan.  But then, isn’t the place for children, rather than a haven for desperate, hormonal wannabe mothers disguised as pre-school teachers?  Just who should be the priority?

It also does make me wonder about Nathan.  Is he just being a typical boy wanting to get the attention of some pretty young girl, and going about it in the usual typical, show-offish manner?  Is he trying to get some wider attention by getting into trouble?  Are we so preoccupied with other people’s dramas and with live-in guests that we aren’t spending enough time on our own children?

Of course when I tried to talk with him about it he clammed up tighter than Claire’s purse at Christmas, and I then found myself shouting at him, right at the moment that Jess came home (early) from her course.  How mortifying.  I spend my whole time griping about how hard it is to live with other people that sometimes you forget that they have to live with you too.  What must she think of me?  Not a very good witness, I’m afraid, Lord.

Then, I must say I was a bit disappointed that I had prayed specifically yesterday that you would look after my family and then this happens.  I do sometimes wonder why my prayers aren’t answered, Lord.  Nevertheless I don’t have the wisdom to sort this out for myself so I pray you would help me to know what to do about Nathan and whether to try and find some other pre-school for him.  I hate stress and conflict and want to also pray that this would be removed from my life.  I earnestly pray for your intervention in your mighty name…Amen

P.S.  I just remembered, Jasmine is off to Wellington today and I want to pray that, even though she doesn’t know you, that you would have your hand on her as she looks around and tries to assess her future…Amen

Here I am, Lord, just little old me.  The house is blissfully empty and even the cat seems to be off on some adventure, nowhere to be seen.  The children are all safely being educated, Andrew is slaving away over a pile of paperwork and Jess is off for the first day of the government run course she’s been sent on.  That leaves just me!

It was another mixed Sunday yesterday if I’m being honest, Lord.  There was no sign of Ashley and Cameron at church although I could see Ma Copeland watching out just in case.  Ashley was probably working but really, who could blame them if they didn’t want to come given the way Claire has been acting lately.  For our sake I really hope Claire doesn’t frighten them away since we don’t get to see them that often.  It’s hard to dig up the enthusiasm to have people around when the house is always full of semi-permanent residents.

However, it must be said that Claire did not let Ashley and Cameron’s absence stand in the way of doing some complaining.  Nathan was not very well behaved in Sunday School (again) (some story about Nathan deliberately gluing some girl’s paper ‘loaves’ onto the backsides of some of her paper ‘disciples’ when she wasn’t looking and then laughing at their tails and refusing to apologise) so she ticked me off for not being a good mother (grr…the worst insult!) and said I should spend more time disciplining my children and less time letting them watch t.v.  Apparently, in her day, such behaviour would deserve a sound spanking but of course that’s against the law these days, something Claire didn’t appreciate when I loftily told her so.

I then saw her get stuck in to Daniel again.  We’ve got new music teams this year (as you know) and one team in particular like to crank up the volume and choose the more modern worship songs.  This prompted Claire (who loathes both the volume and the songs) to declaim the ills of contemporary worship practices and to berate Daniel for sanctioning such an unholy ruckus.  Poor Daniel.  I also heard her ask Daniel if he had had a chance to talk with Ashley yet, probably to threaten excommunication if she doesn’t end her relationship with Cameron.

Meanwhile, I didn’t enjoyed Daniel’s sermon yesterday based on John 13 quite as much as I usually do.  He first focused on you washing the disciples’ feet (something I truly can’t imagine…someone told me that pastor in their church did it once and it was mortifying…and we’re talking about you, Lord) and about the need for us all to have a servant nature.  I must say I feel like I’m already more of a slave than I want to be what with running after the children, Andrew and whoever else is currently at home so I’m not really sure what I feel about this passage.  Daniel then talked about Judas’s betrayal and how there may be those amongst us whose hearts are not really with you but with the things of this world.  No doubt Claire made her way to the top of that list after her little performance.

Anyway, Lord, enough rambling!  I pray you would look after my family today and that you would guide my steps today.  I continue to pray for an improved outlook for all of our family and friends and for Jess to gain some good new skills at this course to help her find a new job.  I fear they are probably talking about having good personal presentation and giving her meaningful looks about her Gothic clothes and love of black eyeliner.  I pray all in your name…Amen

Well, here we are, Valentine’s Day.  I’m awake early (and am noticing how dark it is in the mornings as the longest day recedes into the background) so figure I’d spend this time with you before all hope of spending any at all is lost.

Andrew is still sound asleep so I’ve got no idea whether he will have got into the Valentine’s spirit or not.  With it being a Sunday he could hardly hide a dozen red roses in the car since Friday, not in this heat, and not with his car having to be parked outside in full view.

Mind you I wasn’t expecting roses anyway since they almost triple in price for a couple of days beforehand.  Andrew is what you might call a practical romantic in that he’s happy to tell me he loves me, as long as it doesn’t cost too much to say so.  I’ve got him some of his favourite chocolate – just a token gift really – so he’ll feel bad if he’s got me nothing!

Anyway, it’s a good chance for me to say to you, Lord, that I do appreciate him even if he does drive me mad by putting his socks in the wash inside out or any number of other pet peeves.  Thank you for making him as he is, for his loyalty, his hard working attitude, and for the fact that he is a great father.  He’s also being remarkably tolerant of having Jess and Madison in the house.  Of course Jess is not Linley.  Jess treats him with a sort of grateful awe for having taken the two of them in, while Linley liked to get in his way, rile him up and do as little as possible to help out.  By contrast Jess is very helpful and manages to do so in an unobtrusive way.   I’ve barely washed a dish since she arrived.

The only fly in the ointment is Emily and Madison, for while Madison is clearly under strict instructions to make things work, Emily is being particularly pig-headed about having Madison in the house.  She won’t share toys, she doesn’t want to play a single game Madison suggests, and I’ve even seen her watching t.v. programmes I know they don’t like in order to make Madison take herself off and do something else.

I find it quite horrifying to see a child I love, a child I thought I was raising well, be so downright mean.  So, I pray that you would have your hand on this situation, Lord, and help me know what to do about it.  Only you know how long Jess and Madison will be here so we have to try and make it work.

You know, sometimes it feels like things are always going wrong.  It would be great to be able to write,  “Thank you Lord for everything.  All’s well, good going, keep the blessings rolling in.”  Sigh.  Anyway, we are off to church this morning and since I don’t want to go with a bad attitude I pray you would forgive me my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.  Go with us, Lord, and bless our time of fellowship…Amen

Hi there Jonah Tree readers!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to share some news with you….

I recently heard the exciting news that our book Mothering Heights:  A Novel Approach for Christian Mothers has been named as a Silver  Medal recipient in the Adult Books – Inspirational/Motivational category in the U.S. based Mom’s Choice Awards.

The Mom’s Choice Awards recognizes authors, inventors, companies, parents and others for their efforts in creating quality family-friendly media, products and services. Parents, educators, librarians and retailers rely on MCA evaluations when selecting quality materials for children and families. The Mom’s Choice Awards® seal helps families and educators navigate the vast array of products and services and make informed decisions. For more information on the awards program and the honorees, visit MomsChoiceAwards.com

Mothering Heights is co-authored with Susan Brereton.  If you would like to read more about the book go to www.motheringheights.org

My best wishes to you!

Keitha Smith

Morning Lord.  I’m back at the coffee shop again, just for a while, to get some peace and reconnect with you.  I really tried hard to find some time yesterday to sneak away but Jess seems very lonely and wants to talk all the time.  It could well be that she’s a person not comfortable with silence (like Claire!) but I suspect she’s been a bit deprived of adult company with it normally being just her and Madison.

The other distraction yesterday was the phone.  Firstly, Libby called to say that now the children are back at school she’d like to start up our Bible Study group again for the new year, if I’m still interested.  In huge contrast to last year I am not only interested, I’m downright enthusiastic.  I just got so much out of spending time with other Christian mothers last year, discussing all the trials, tribulations and joys of motherhood that I can hardly believe I was once so reluctant.  Libby is more than happy to host the group again, and to provide the study materials which is great.  She also said she would like to start the year with a more social event and thought having an activity to kick things off might be fun.  She then said she knew I knew someone who did calligraphy (Jasmine, of course, but how did she know that?) and would I be able to ask Jasmine to take us in a session?

So then I called Jasmine, who was delighted to be asked, and in theory will be back from Wellington for the 25^th when Libby wants to kick things off, so it’s all booked in.  I must say it will be an interesting experience to see Jasmine in another capacity, and since she and I aren’t exactly close, maybe this will be helpful in our relationship.  That’s given she doesn’t leave my brother, move to Wellington, never to be seen again.

While I was booking Jasmine in I realised that because Nathan is now at morning kindergarten he will be around for our afternoon Bible Study sessions.  Still, children are welcome, and hopefully he can behave himself for ninety minutes or so.  If it doesn’t seem to work out too well I could consider asking Dad to have him on a Thursday afternoon on a slightly more regular basis.

Once that was sorted, Linley rang.  It sounded as though she was between appointments and wanted to look busy without actually doing any work because there were several occasions during our conversation when she called me Mrs. Smith and started talking about my wanting to set up a trust.  However, more alarming than my being cover for a lazy employee was the news that Linley has seen a wonderful new little sports car that she thinks she just has to have.  I do wonder when she will ever learn that possessions don’t really make you happy.

Speaking (or writing) of possessions, the other person who called was Caroline.  She was in tears (again…oh so hard) because she had just listed Trinity’s piano on-line to sell.  It’s worth quite a bit of money and is impractical because Caroline may have to shift a couple of times before she gets settled.  She can’t afford storage and a piano isn’t the world’s most transportable object.  But Trinity loves that piano, and I know it broke Caroline’s heart (again…oh so very hard) to have to list the thing at all.

So, Lord my prayers today are for all the people listed above:  for Jess as she job hunts; for Linley for wisdom and restraint in the money spending department; for Caroline for your hand to be on her during this difficult time; for Libby for wisdom and direction as she leads our group; and for Jasmine as she faces this crossroads in her life.  I lift all before you in your name…Amen

Morning Lord!  I’ve woken up early today and thought I would have a quick scribble in my prayer journal before I do anything else – otherwise I fear I’ll miss it altogether.  I’m off to Caroline’s this morning to give her a hand with trying to sort some of the stuff in the house out since its sale seems inevitable.  I still can’t quite get my head around it.  I haven’t yet broached the subject of what Caroline’s intending to do when the house does sell, especially since she’s likely to walk away with nothing.  So I continue to pray that your hand would be on their little torn family and that you would provide for their needs and prepare the way that they must inevitably go.

Other than that the only thing really on my mind this morning is Emily.  She’s still muttering away about not liking her new teacher, and although anyone would pale into comparison with Miss Hollis (Educational Goddess) I’m beginning to suspect that Emily’s dislike goes deeper than missing her old teacher.  By contrast Madison seems to really like her, so then that makes me wonder whether Emily’s dislike is a way of being contrary to Madison, or whether Miss Rodgers is playing favourites, or worse, playing one of the girls off against the other.  I can only pray that you would give me the wisdom to know what to do and say to help this situation, Lord.  And I suppose I should also pray that you would work in the heart of Miss Rodgers too, and that you would help her to see Emily in a favourable light.

I’m also reminded about how slack I am about praying for the salvation of my children so I would ask that you would be working in their lives and leading them to a knowledge of you that would in turn lead them to a relationship with you.  People say,  “If you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything,” when in fact, if you don’t have salvation you don’t have anything.  This would be my most fervent wish for them.

Thank you for the blessings you have given our family (even though sometimes other people make them a little more difficult to enjoy).  I lift all before you in your mighty name…Amen

I’m at a coffee shop right now, Lord, (as you know) frivolously wasting money on a solitary cup of coffee in order to buy myself the right to sit in their establishment and enjoy some peace and quiet.  It does feel like a bit of a desperate measure but when I realised this morning that Jess was intending on staying home all day (to sort out paperwork and have some serious one-on-one time with the washing machine) I thought I wouldn’t rush home.  Instead I packed my prayer journal and here I am, nursing along my coffee to make it last as long as possible, and spending some time with you.

I never really pictured myself as being a fugitive from my own home but I learned enough from having Linley to stay that to spend time with you while having live-in guests takes improvisation and determination.  Anyway, after Jess’s meeting with the powers-that-be yesterday I do at least have some hope on the horizon because they have enrolled her in some sort of a job skills/interview skills training programme which starts next Monday.  She has to go every day for a whole week!  Of course that does seem to delay actually looking for a job but apparently it has been deemed both useful and necessary so I guess we will wait and see.  In the meantime I can only keep praying that a new job will turn up for Jess just as soon as possible.

I feel at a bit of a loose end today to be honest, Lord.  Dad has arranged to pick Nathan up from kindy at lunchtime so they can head off on some sort of adventure, so I’ll be surplus to requirements in that department.  It’s good to see Dad feeling better and back to his old self, although it did occur to me that he hadn’t mentioned anything to do with endangered trees, councils or petitions for quite a while so it seems clear that the heart attack has knocked some of the fight out of him.  I suspect he probably needs a new, less stressful interest to keep him going.  In the meantime it’s good to see him so keen to spend time with Nathan.

This time next year Nathan will be off to school so I suppose I should give some thought as to my own next steps.  These past seven-or-so years with pre-schoolers has been quite adventure (moments of peril, tedium, frustration, tiredness and bewilderment mixed in with moments of real joy) and while I’ve lived through them the time seems to have been long.  Yet here I am, with the end of the pre-school years in sight and I feel nostalgic about the past and ambivalent about the future.  There’s something funny about motherhood that makes you lose yourself and find yourself all at the same time, that gives you an incredible coping capacity and yet makes you feel like you can’t cope at all.

Anyway, my coffee cup is empty and I’m getting funny looks from the café owner so it is time to be on my way.  I pray, Lord, that you would make my path forward clear, and that you would lead me out of this funny place I find myself in right now – surrounded by people and problems, yet unsure of my own future and maybe even my own identity….Amen