Morning Lord!  I’m doing my hide-in-the-bathroom prayer thing this morning in order to get some peace.  I don’t know if it’s the excitement of school starting tomorrow or just the activity of trying to get everyone ready to go to church this morning, but the kids are hyped.

I just wanted to check in with you before we go and to ask that you forgive me my sins and cleanse me from all unrighteousness for your namesake, Lord.  I must say I feel so much better going to church these days because of making time to talk to you first before I go – not to mention actually spending some time with you most days as well.  I’ll always be grateful to Daniel for encouraging me to start this prayer journal – it’s been the best thing I’ve done spiritually in years.

I know I’m still not disciplined enough in what I pray because I inevitably end up either talking about my problems or about the trivia of life but just knowing you are there and that you care is such a blessing.

Thank you for yesterday too, Lord.  Going to visit Mum and Dad at home was actually a good thing.  They both seem calmer somehow, and more understanding of one another.  Long may it last.  It was nice to see James and Jasmine there too.  If I’m not mistaken I think this whole heart attack thing has been a big wake-up call to James.  Maybe he’s realising life isn’t forever and there is some necessity to not float through it without a thought or care for others.  He seemed almost attentive to Dad, a big thing considering the two of them have struggled to maintain civility for years.

Anyway, be with us at church today.  Bless Daniel as he comes to speak to us.

In Jesus’ name I pray…Amen

Afternoon Lord.  The children are watching a DVD and happily munching on a bag of microwaved popcorn and all is well.  I called to see how Mum and Dad are going and so far all seems fine.  I decided I would have a read in the Bible and wasn’t quite sure where I wanted to read, so as you know I opened it at random (if such a thing as random really exists) and it opened at the Book of Jonah.  I read the following prayer in Jonah 2 and I just thought how much this prayer sounded like where I’ve been in my life, so I’m copying it below as a prayer from me as well:

“From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God.  He said:

‘In my distress I called to the Lord and he answered me.  From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.  You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me.  I said, “I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.”  The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.  To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever.  But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God.

‘When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.  Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.  But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you.  What I have vowed I will make good.  Salvation comes from the Lord.’”

Amen, Lord, Amen

Morning Lord!  Well, it’s the second to last day of the school holidays and I thought I would take the children out today since, what with everything that has happened, it hasn’t been much of a holiday for them.  I’m only thinking of lunch out and a movie, but it will be a change from the four walls.  I’ve decided I’m not even going to think about my parents today.  They are big enough and ugly enough to take care of themselves – and yet that is so not true – so instead I pray that you would be in their midst Lord, and that you would give them a spirit of peace between one another.

Seeing them yesterday with their myriad dysfunctions made me realise that I’m not doing as badly as I think I am.  Of course I owe this in large measure to you, Lord, and to your love and salvation.  I just looked at the two of them and thought,  “This is what it’s like to live without grace.”  It isn’t a pretty sight, and it’s not a life I would want.

So I know I’m not perfect and never will be, but what I am is grateful.  Thank you for saving me, Lord, and for the life I do have with Andrew.  Be with us today as Emily, Nathan and I go out for some family time, and bless Andrew at work.

I pray in the name of Jesus…Amen

Morning Lord.  I’m supposed to be having a shower but I thought I would just steal five minutes with you first before the chaos of the day sets in for good.  Hopefully things will be a bit calmer than yesterday as Mum has agreed not to come visiting today but to have a break.  After yesterday it may well be that she needs more than one day as a break but one day is all she’s got as Dad has agreed (somewhat reluctantly) to go home tomorrow.

When she came yesterday I expected she would be a little bit wound up as ever since Dad had his heart attack she’s been acting as though she’s been swigging rocket fuel (or something equally combustible) but I never pictured she’d be so ready to launch herself into outer space.  I can’t remember ever seeing her so furious as she was with Dad, nor so hurt by anything he has ever done.  I took the kids outside to play for a bit while they had a ‘chat’ but you didn’t need a listening device to learn that Dad’s decision not to come home was the worst sort of insult she has ever received from him – and I guess that’s really saying something.

What Dad said to her in reply I do not know, since while Mum shouted so half the world could hear, Dad got even quieter than usual, but the upshot is that he’s agreed to go home tomorrow.  Really, again I ask, just what is it that I’m supposed to do with the pair of them?  It seems as though they can’t live together and they can’t live apart.  I’m just grateful that my relationship with Andrew is not so uneven.  Of course we disagree at times, but at least we are heading in the same direction.

Anyway, I pray we might be able to enjoy this last day with Dad before he goes home.  Thank you that he does look stronger by the day and I pray you might ready him for his return.

Amen, Lord.

Week two of the school holidays commences.  I must say I had pictured myself having sleep ins and spending some lazy days doing not very much with the children but instead the house seems groaning with people and I’m back to being Florence Nightingale.

Everyone came around yesterday which somewhat curtailed what Mum might have either done or said.  Claire and William called around after church to see Dad and at least appear like they care.  William was full of the fact that there was some visiting speaker as Daniel and Abigail are away for the weekend, and how the speaker was much better than Daniel.  I felt a bit defensive of Daniel who has been doing a fine job in my opinion.  They, of course, stayed for lunch.

James and Jasmine called in briefly and would perhaps have stayed longer but for the fact that James hates Claire and William.  Cameron came, followed not long after by Ashley, and they both seemed equally ill at ease while Claire and William were around, but once Ma and Pa Copeland had taken themselves off, both Cameron and Ashley became more animated.

Meanwhile Mum gritted her teeth and Dad sat back like he was royalty and lapped up all the attention.  The children managed to behave themselves (there was lots of winking between Dad and the two of them so I don’t know what he said to them but it did trick) and this morning he is regaling them with stories of his boyhood which is keeping them remarkably diverted.

However, Mum is coming in about half and hour so who knows what will ensue once she gets here.  I’m not sure all of this excitement is quite what the doctor ordered but Dad seems fine.  Long may it stay that way.

The point of this description is to say that, in spite of a bit of chaos, it was a blessed day, a day for which to be thankful.  Our family might not be perfect but they are our family – and the fact that we are not one member down at this point is a huge reason to be grateful to you, Lord.

Keep us in your tender care…Amen

No church today, Lord, but I thought I would sneak away from everyone just for five minutes, for some peace and quiet and for some time with you.  I guess we wouldn’t have been going to church today anyway, Lord, on account of it being school holidays and there being no Sunday School – but I don’t want to be neglectful.

Thank you that the trip home went well, and that Dad is doing fine.  He looked a bit pale by the time we arrived home but was otherwise unaffected.  Emily and Nathan looked at him as though they were afraid to move in case he might break, but have relaxed now and seem to be enjoying having their grandfather on tap.

Mum is coming shortly.  That should be interesting.  When she came yesterday she was like an unexploded Vesuvius so it’s probably only a matter of time before the eruption happens.  I just don’t want it to be on my watch.

Be with us today, I pray, and help us have some happy family times.  You don’t really realise how precious life is or how much we take for granted until something like this happens.  I also pray (and I’m not sure how) that Dad will come to know you, Lord.

I pray in the name of Jesus…Amen

A quick prayer time Lord!  I’m all over the place, not knowing what to think.  Thank you for Ashley and Cameron coming over to baby-sit last night so that Andrew and I could both go up to the hospital to visit.  I was really touched when Ashley called to say she had it all organised, that she had drafted Cameron in to help out since we had helped both of them in their respective hours of need, that they would come bearing takeaways so I didn’t have to think about cooking, then we could scoot off and she and Cameron would take care of everything.  It was such a blessing.

Waiting for the day to pass yesterday was a trial of endurance.  I was really struck by the powerlessness of my position, and also of how few really deep connections we have with others, people who have your back and can help in an emergency.  I know I just have to keep clinging to you because when it comes down to it you are the only one we can really count on.

When Andrew and I got to the hospital it was to find that Dad was sitting up, looking quite perky and happy with the news that the doctors had decided he was well enough to be discharged.  This was great news, until Dad announced that he had no intention of going home, but instead told Andrew and I that he was moving in with us!  He said he only wants to come for a few days, spend some time with us and with his lovely grandchildren and build his strength up.  He said he thinks that going home with Mum straight away would probably finish him off entirely what with her dubious cooking and even more dubious housekeeping skills.

Neither Andrew nor I knew quite what to make of it.  I said I thought he had underestimated the boisterous nature of our children and that it was last place he should consider coming if he’s unwell, but Dad said that Emily and Nathan’s happy little faces would be like a tonic for him.  Of course I’ve called Mum this morning to see what she has to say about it, and she’s clearly not very impressed, but she ended the conversation with,  “You can have him,” so I am off shortly to collect Dad and bring him home.

I pray for your hand to be on the two of us for this trip, and that Dad would make it home in one piece.  I pray for your continued healing hand and that, by some miracle, the children would behave and be a help rather than a hindrance.

Thank you for this blessing, Lord.  At one point I feared my father would not live to see another day.

Amen

I’m stuck at home and a bit frustrated, Lord.  As you know none of my plans have worked out at all today and I’ve been unable to find a way to get up to the hospital.  Andrew had important meetings today that he couldn’t get out of, Claire called and said she had had a terrible night last night, hadn’t slept a wink and just wasn’t up to it, sorry, while William wouldn’t know one end of a child from the other so he couldn’t baby-sit.

I’ve already used the ‘children’s friends’ card so can’t play that one again, and besides, things didn’t seem to go well for either Emily or Nathan yesterday.  Brittany’s mother said the two girls argued about some finer points of the Barbie game they were playing and ended up not speaking to each other, while Nathan destroyed some model Jacob and his father had spent months gluing together, so his name was mud.  I think both of them are just anxious about Dad, and I suppose the fact that the hospital recommended minimal visitors, and thought on balance that bringing the children in was not a great idea hasn’t helped.  I guess it’s hard to know what’s more frightening for them – not being allowed to go to the hospital and imagining what might be happening, or actually going and being scared by the clinical environment and all the tubes and wires and whatnot going in and out of Dad.

I didn’t feel I could ask Caroline as she already has her hands full, especially as the nanny has now departed.  Linley, Ashley, Cameron and James are working (well, in James’ case, pretending) and Jess, who let’s face it, owes me a favour or ten, is hardly in the position to reciprocate.  I thought of Libby, but I don’t really know her well enough yet.  Besides, it’s school holidays and she has her own children home.

Not being able to be there is most frustrating, Lord.  I know I don’t actually make a difference when I am there, but just being there and seeing what is going on is some small reassurance.  I’m afraid I’m neither patient enough nor trusting enough, Lord.

I guess all I can do is entrust Dad to you, Lord.  Look after him.  Help him not to be driven mad by Mum.  And Lord, if it is at all possible, I pray you would provide a way for me to get to the hospital.

In Jesus’ name I pray…Amen