Well, here we are, Jess and Madison’s last day (and night) with us.  To be honest I’m not quite sure who’s the most excited – Jess, Emily or me.  I suspect it just might be Emily.  The relief on her face when I told her the news was palpable.  Of course it is a shame that the two girls were not able to get over their differences and I’m not sure I did a good enough job of helping Emily to make good choices, but then they are only seven and hardly emotionally mature.   (Mind you, is emotional maturity about age at all??  Look at Claire!)  I do feel a bit of a failure though.

Perhaps there’s also the fact that some friendships seem to be for a season of life and after that the close connection gets lost.  I don’t know why that happens.  At times I do wonder whether that’s what’s happening with Linley and me.  We were once really close but the more that time goes on, the wider the divide between us seems to get.  I don’t know if it’s circumstance (she’s working, I’m not), relationship (I’m married, she’s not) responsibility (I have a family, she just has herself to look after) or ideology (I’m still smarting after her anti-Bible comments) but it does seem that we have little in common any more.  But is it right to abandon a friendship of such long standing?  Whose job is it to overlook the differences and just love a person for who they are?  Mine I suppose.  The trouble is that it’s easier said than done when the recipient of the friendship keeps criticising you for the choices you’ve made in return.  As clichéd as it sounds, it does take two to tango.

I’m going to put on a farewell dinner tonight as a bit of a send-off for Jess and Madison.  What that entails at the moment I just don’t know so I will need to sign off shortly to get myself organised.  On top of that, Andrew has invited Cameron and Ashley to come for dinner tomorrow night as well, so I guess I should kill two birds with one stone and get sorted for that too.  At first I was a bit put out with Andrew that he invited them to come on our first night of freedom in weeks but in truth it will be good to see them and find out how things are going.  We haven’t seen either of them since the funeral.

Anyway, I entrust all of this into your hands, and also want to pray for the other usual suspects in our lives as well.  I’m afraid my prayers are not very good, are they, Lord?  However, I figure you know much more just what each of our friends and family need so I pray you would be working in each of their lives for good, Lord.  We did talk yesterday at Bible Study about godly wisdom and the difference between godly wisdom and worldly wisdom and I know for sure that if I was left to my own devices it would most likely be foolishness all the way.  I lift all before you in your mighty name…Amen

Morning Lord!  Here I am, back to my usual routine.  Both of the children were back to their usual selves by this morning so have returned to where they rightfully belong.  Of course it’s also Bible Study day and I have been in two minds about whether to go or not in case Nathan is too tired after this morning’s exertions.  However Dad called half an hour ago and said he would come and spend the afternoon with Nathan if there was anything I wanted to do, so Cinderella will get to go to the ball after all.  I must say I am quite looking forward to it.

Then, as you know, Linley called not ten minutes ago (filling in a few fallow moments at work) and when I mentioned how pleased I was with my Cinders moment she was most derisive.  In fact she was almost mocking, asking what could possibly be the point in going to a Bible Study to delve into a book that has long since lost its relevance.  I must say I was quite shocked by her comments, firstly because it made me realise just how far from you Linley has got, and secondly, that she would so tactlessly dishonour the faith I have chosen.

I must say I’m not sure I did a very good job at convincing her otherwise.  I think my lame stammerings about the Bible being God-breathed and alive through the prompting and guidance of the Holy Spirit were about as effective as a chocolate teapot.  I sure wish I were better able to think on my feet and know what to say in such situations.  I have absolutely no doubt that Libby would have given a fantastic answer under the same circumstances.

Regardless, getting a glimpse at Linley’s true heart was a real shock.  There were times in the past that I felt she really had made a commitment to you.  Of course only you see the heart of man (or woman), Lord, and know what lurks beneath our shiny exteriors, but it seems to me that whatever embers of faith once existed have been well and truly snuffed out.  The question is, does any residual heat remain so that the flame might once again be fanned into being?  All I can do (all I ever seem to be able to do) is to pray that you would work in her heart and fan the pile of dying coals that is her heart back to life again.

I also pray for your hand to be on our group today as we meet, that you would be with Libby as she prepares to host us, and that you would be with us as we look into your word.  Be with Caroline as she carries on packing up the remnants of the life she once lived.  I also continue to pray that you would solve the problem of where she should go next since moving day is just over a week away and at this stage she has nowhere to go.  Be with my family, especially with the children, and (as always, but not often enough) I continue to pray for their salvation.  Thank you for your love.  Amen.

Still housebound today, Lord.  Both of my two are really only just eating again so I decided to keep them home one more day, although in truth both are much chirpier than they were twenty-four hours ago.  Mercifully none of the rest of us has succumbed which is great – and long may it last.  Also mercifully, Dad has been more than happy to do the honours with Madison again today, bless his little cotton socks!

Of course the big news of yesterday is that we won’t have to worry about either Jess or Madison for much longer.  Apparently the building where the new café is has an empty flat upstairs, and in exchange for some extra early morning hours and a reasonable rent, this space has been offered to Jess.  According to Jess she will need to get up at five (or some completely ridiculous hour), work until eight when the manager comes in, then will be allowed a break for breakfast and to be able to take Jess to school, then back to work for the day.

The only downside of this plan is that Madison would need to change schools.  There’s supposedly one only about five minute’s bus ride from the café so that Jess could take Madison, and (possibly) Madison could catch the bus back by herself in the afternoon.  This plan did rather make me raise my eyebrows as I could not in a million years imagine allowing Emily to take a bus and wander around in the centre of the city unsupervised.  I could see Jess rapidly rethinking this plan but it seems clear that her new employer is quite taken with her and willing to help to make things work.

This benevolent new boss is giving Jess some time off this morning to go and suss out the new school and (hopefully) get Madison enrolled straight away.  Jess has expressed an interest to move as soon as possible (this weekend!) so wants to get things sorted with school before they move.

What an unexpected turn of events!  Here was I thinking that we would have Jess and Madison stay for quite a while longer, and in four days, they’ll be gone.  Is it wicked of me, Lord, to feel a huge sense of relief?  And even more wicked to silently rejoice on Emily’s behalf that her one big school problem will be sailing gently away?  And, oh, the look on Andrew’s face when he realised he will be getting his garage back.  Not even the prospect of humping furniture around the CBD this weekend could dampen his enthusiasm for under cover parking and quick access to his tools!

Anyway, Lord, I pray that this transition would go really smoothly and that this new move would have great benefits for all concerned and not just us selfish Copelands.  I pray especially that this move would be helpful for Madison and that Jess would have the maturity and sense to know what will be prudent for her and what won’t be.  I entrust this whole situation into your hands…in your name…Amen

Afternoon Lord.  Well, it’s not often I miss the opportunity to write in my prayer journal on a Monday, but yesterday certainly did not go according to plan (as well you know) and neither has today.  Yesterday I thought I would pop to Caroline’s straight after dropping Nathan at kindy to see how she was and offer to help with the packing for a while, but in the end it felt like I was only there five minutes when kindy called to say Nathan wasn’t feeling very well and could I come back and take him home?

So of course I dutifully returned, muttering under my breath about kids and the ironies they present (like when you have something really important to do they come up with some unexplained lurgy – or how you take them to some twenty-four hour clinic in the middle of the night because they’re dying and as soon as you get there they start playing with the toys in the waiting room like there’s nothing wrong with them) but we were only home half an hour before Nathan started vomiting and for me to know with fervent certainty that he wasn’t faking.

I then arranged for Dad to pick Emily and Madison up from school and I could see as soon as they walked in the door that Emily was not looking the best – and sure enough she was only home an hour or so when she started to be sick too.  Now I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, I really despise tummy bugs.  I know you’ve designed our bodies to work as they do but if there was one thing I would personally change it would be to eliminate vomiting.  (Okay, so I can think of a couple of other things I’d change as well but vomiting is definitely top of the list!)

Of course while Madison is as right as rain both my two are still home today and although both have stopped being sick they are very washed out.  They’re both having an afternoon rest at the moment – unheard of!  I pray you would have your healing hand upon them, Lord and that they would be up and about in no time.  I also pray for your hand of protection to be on Andrew and I (and Jess and Madison) that none of us would succumb to the terrors of the tummy.  I’m afraid that’s it for today, Lord.  I’ve had so little sleep I really need to rest now.  Bless Dad for taking Madison to school today and offering to bring her home again…Amen

Morning Lord!  Okay, so I’m feeling a bit more chipper this morning, and even though I still can’t claim to understand your plan or what it is that you’re up to, I do feel a lot less angry than I did yesterday.  I know I do need to confess my lack of faith/faithfulness in this area and pray you would forgive me my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness for your namesake.  I pray that in time I would much more clearly see your face and understand your (most mysterious) ways.

Off to church this morning.  I pray for Daniel as he prepares to speak to us today, and I especially pray that things would be drama-free for him this morning – no ugly car park fights with mad mother-in-law parishioners, no trophy wife with ten tonnes of make-up and ten inch heels battling enraged Missions team leaders.  In short, I pray that everyone would keep a lid on their own agendas and try (as I am quite desperately trying) to understand your will and your plan.  Sometimes it seems to me as though Daniel speaks, people nod in agreement, we sing the closing song, we stand up, and every single word he’s uttered falls straight out of our heads with the effort of rising to our feet.

For myself, I feel as though this morning I need to come to terms with all that happened yesterday.  It turned out, as it happened, to be a “Day of Tears”.  I would be tempted to rename our house “The Well of Sorrows” but as you know not all of yesterday’s tears were sad ones, so I guess it’s hardly appropriate.

First up we had Madison’s tears, followed by Emily’s tears, followed by Jess’s tears.  For myself I am way past tears where the two girls are concerned, but for Jess it was the first time she had seen the pair of them have a really big bust-up and it clearly shocked her.  It started off, as it almost always does, with mild bickering, which preceded some mild tale-telling by Madison, which preceded some insult swapping, which preceded some all out yelling – and maybe even some physical Barbie hurling.  Quite who started it I don’t know, but I do (sadly) suspect it might have been Emily, trying to stake claim to her territory by bringing up some of the less savoury comments that circulate at school, and by withholding some of her prized possessions from Madison’s sweaty grasp.

Jess’s shock led to more revelations than I ever intended making, especially since all the blame seems to lie with Emily.  I felt as though I could hardly bring up my suspicions about the underlying vibe Madison has lately given me since, at this point, it is all suspicion only.  Instead I felt that all I could say in Emily’s defence was that it appears the girls’ friendship is not one of the lasting nature, and that as they have gotten older their (well, Emily’s) interests have widened in a way that Madison’s have not.  Jess then said she thought she would take Madison out somewhere (anywhere other than our house) and try and get to the bottom of it a bit more.  There was no accusation in her tone or expression, just confusion.  And in a way I couldn’t help thinking this all might be a good thing since it’s the most parental I’ve ever seen Jess – and not before time.  Anyway, when they came back I was none the wiser about what transpired between the two of them, but they both seemed calm and carried on as though nothing had happened.

Shortly after Jess departed, Caroline arrived.  Her parents were around at her house helping her pack and they had run out of boxes.  Quite where these boxes will be going is at this point unclear.  Caroline was ostensibly out to collect more but diverted to our house, at which point she burst into a huge flood of tears, punctuated by incomprehensible sentences that (I think) bemoaned her (very difficult) fate.  All I could do was hug her…and all I can do now is keeping praying for her that you would sort out her life for her, Lord, because it sure is in a mess.  I don’t think she left any more reassured than when she arrived, but I think getting rid of some of that pent up emotion sure helped a lot.

Not long after Caroline left, James and Jasmine arrived with the astounding news that James has proposed and Jasmine has accepted.  Jasmine was all teary as she showed me the ring and even I shed a tear or two – for Jasmine my tears were a mixture of happiness and “Are you really sure?” while for James my tears were all relief that for once in his sorry existence he actually got something right.  It struck me that a while ago I felt as though I really didn’t understand Jasmine, and always felt as though she held herself at arms length from me, but somehow, somewhere along the line things have changed.  I am heartily pleased she is going to be my sister-in-law and I pray you would have your hand on them in these next weeks and months as they make plans for the future.  The Wellington firm she interviewed for said there was no reason she could not still work here, as there’s the wonder of email plus she could always fly there to get work/deliver assignments as appropriate, so even that worked out.

Yikes!  I’ve just looked at the time and realise I have rambled way too long today.  Bless our time at church this morning!  I pray all in your mighty name…Amen

Morning Lord.  No exclamation mark today I’m afraid because, to be honest, I’m feeling quite peeved right now.  I was really hoping that you would pull one out of the bag for Caroline and save her house.  Instead there were just two buyers, one more interested than the other, bidding was lacklustre, and the house sold for a ridiculously low price.  This of course means that Caroline must move out (and in only two week’s time) and that the amount bid for the house is so low that it only just covers the outstanding debt.  Top this off with the fact that she has nowhere to go, no money to go with, three high maintenance children and a broken heart, and that is one very ugly picture.

I suppose what I can’t understand is why you would not intervene?  You don’t surely want Caroline’s life to be in ruins do you?  I’m not sure why you would ask so much of Caroline.  I’m not sure why my prayers would go unheeded.  Where is the way of escape?  Sometimes, Lord, I just don’t understand you at all.

Andrew says I should not get so worked up since he believes you do know what you are doing – and so should I.  He also said that if Caroline’s life was built on a lie it is surely better for that to be rectified than for the lie to continue being perpetrated.  On the other hand, to me it all feels unjust…unfair.  In short I’m feeling pouty today, a feeling I simply don’t know what to do with.

Andrew (the big know-all) says that I should keep praying and entrust everything to you, that in spite of my current viewpoint you do know what you’re doing.  He says (mutter mutter) that life is all about choices – that I can either choose to trust you or choose to turn my back on you.  He says I should stop praying for what I think is best and pray for what you know is best.  Only trouble is, I feel so mad/confused/slightly disillusioned that I’m not sure I’m capable of making any choices, let alone good choices.

Trouble is, not trusting you doesn’t seem like a choice at all.  This would be to turn my back on my very salvation and on our relationship.  I might be mad but I’m not prepared to throw it all away just like that.  So, Lord, I will make a choice – I will trust in you.  I will pray for you to sort things out for Caroline.  I will pray for you to remove this feeling inside me.  I will pray for your grace to understand all that you are doing.  I will pray in your name.  I will say Amen.

Morning Lord.  Well, another week is drawing to a close and only another four weeks remain before Easter and the next school holidays.  I’ve noticed the appearance of Easter Eggs and hot cross buns on the supermarket shelves which is a sure sign Easter is nearly upon us.  I can’t believe how fast the year is flying by already.

Thank you for the blessing of Bible Study yesterday.  I really enjoyed the study Libby had prepared about being salt and light.  It prompted a lot of discussion about the difficulties of sharing our faith with other people – what to say, how much to say, the whole living-by-example thing – and it was (from my perspective at least) most relieving to know that I’m not the only one who finds this area a huge challenge.  I’m not sure how relieving that is from your perspective, though, Lord.

Libby made some very interesting points about the nature of salt, how it adds flavour, how it preserves, but she also pointed out that in food a concentrated amount of salt has the ability to turn a flavoursome meal into an unpalatable one.  She suggested that some ‘bible bashers’ probably do more harm than good by just being too salty for their message to be ingested.  Instead she talked about the many references to good deeds there are in Scripture and the power that doing good deeds has on the world.  I was taken by one verse in particular (1 Peter 2: 12) that says:

“Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

Libby also talked about how this relates to sharing our faith with our children and about the whole principle from Deuteronomy of talking about Scripture when we sit at home, when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up.  I couldn’t help thinking that this is an area of weakness for me, perhaps compounded by the fact that I come from a non-Christian family and never saw this sort of example in action.  Not much of an excuse I suppose.

I also thought about whether my ‘good deeds’ would do much to convince even you of my sincerity, let alone the world’s roaming pagan population.  Even those things I do manage I execute under a small cloud of moaning and groaning.  It’s all food for thought, that’s for sure, but at least it was some small comfort to know that I’m not the only one who feels a bit pathetic as either salt or light.  In light terms I’m probably more of a ten watt bulb than a 100 watt bulb, but then, as Libby pointed out, we do all need to remember that you are the power source.

I had better get a move on now, but before I close I want to bring Caroline before you today, Lord, and ask for that miracle to occur so she can stay in her house.  I pray you would help her to remain as calm as possible through the day and leading up to the auction at 5 p.m. tonight.  I don’t want to deliberately wish ill on others, Lord, but if there is any chance of thwarting any potential buyers from getting there that would be great…sudden (quickly recoverable) illness, a missed bus, a small (harmless) fender bender, a paper cut…anything really.  I pray in your name…Amen

Morning Lord!  Bible Study day has swung around again and I thought I would begin by praying that your hand would be on our group today and that you would speak to me through the study.  For some reason I feel a bit out of step with you, as though I’m on some sort of wrong track, so would appreciate a bit of redirection if necessary.  I pray you would be with Libby as she prepares to host us and that you would help her have the right words to say to encourage us as mothers.  May we also be an encouragement to her.

Emboldened by last week’s good behaviour I am planning on taking Nathan again.  To this end I also pray that you would have your hand on his impulse control button and help him behave himself.  As far as I know he has managed to be good at kindy for the past few sessions (even though Andrea does keep giving me dirty looks when I come and go) so I pray that this pattern of behaviour could extend itself through today.

Sorry for the lack of prayer yesterday.  As you know (!) I went to Caroline’s yesterday morning to try and help her tidy up a bit in case the house does sell at tomorrow’s auction.  I must say she is quite a difficult person to help as she often refuses help when you offer it.  I tried to suggest doing this and that but she politely shook her head and said she would deal with it later.  If the house does sell there won’t be too many more of these ‘laters’, but I guess she’s still fervently hoping for a way of escape where this is concerned.  Bring on the miracle, I say.

Apart from the auction looming things are not going great with any of them.  Faith has been getting into trouble at school for talking back and goes to great pains to be of as little help to anyone as she can.  Reading between the lines, I also gathered that Faith has been not-so-subtly implying that Logan’s departure is all Caroline’s fault and I can see how hard Caroline is trying not to be hurt by such accusations.  Trinity is in absolute mourning at the loss of her piano and has now stopped speaking all together.  She’s spending vast amounts of time in her room simply staring into space which is not healthy, but Caroline is flummoxed as to what to do about it – and all the more so since Christian takes up so much of her time there’s little left for the other two.

As for Christian, his domination of the household routines is clearly taking its toll on Caroline who looks, frankly, haggard.  It scarcely seems possible that this tired, thin, almost bedraggled creature is the same one that made me burn with envy not nine months ago.  Even the house has a cowed look, as though it is trying to hold itself up out of his reach.  Every conceivable possession has been raised above his sphere of influence giving the house a sort of funny high-tide mark.

Anyway, I had better go.  I continue to pray for the Wests, that you would bring some redemption for Caroline, and fast.  If at all possible, I pray that that the house would not sell tomorrow, buying Caroline a bit more time, if nothing else.  Be with my family today, Lord.  As always (or perhaps not always enough) I continue to pray for the salvation of my children.  I lift all before you in your precious name…and hope I’m not so far distant from you that you can’t hear my prayers…Amen